One of the downsides of being around people who know your function …<\/p>\n
Is that more often than not,<\/p>\n
The curiousity of transsexualism …<\/p>\n
Will lead many to examine you in a much more exacting way than they would otherwise:<\/p>\n
Scrutinizing to find something that they can tell themselves would have clued them in if they had not known of your function;<\/p>\n
Straining to find something in you that points out your past; or,<\/p>\n
Searching to find something you do which distinguishes you as a t-girl who deviates from a mythical definition of female they expect you to meet, but from which natal girls are excused from complying.<\/p>\n
It gets old really fast.<\/p>\n
Most of the time …<\/p>\n
I think I handle it rather well.<\/p>\n
I do have a fair level of self-confidence,<\/p>\n
A tremendous amount of inner strength,<\/p>\n
And …
\n
\nIt helps that I love attention.<\/p>\n
So even when I’m getting evaluated, reviewed, judged …<\/p>\n
And you know when you are,<\/p>\n
In my mind I’m telling myself …<\/p>\n
“Kewl !! I’m being checked out !<\/i>” \ud83d\ude42<\/p>\n
But it can be relentless at times …<\/p>\n
And I’ve come to not be surprised about anything I hear:<\/p>\n
You can tell it’s a wig\/she needs to style her hair\/she walks like a man\/she’s always wearing heels\/she dresses too feminine\/she dresses too masculine\/she dresses too young\/she doesn’t act her age\/she’s soooooo tall\/she’s always applying lipgloss\/she always seem nervous\/she’s got such a low voice\/her voice is all nasal\/her voice is too squeaky\/her voice drives me krazy\/she’s always playing with her earring\/she’s always twirling her hair\/she’s always brushing her hair back\/the boobs are fake\/she wears too much make-up\/she doesn’t wear make-up\/she needs to do less with her hair\/she talks about sports\/she knows nothing about fashion\/she’s all into labels\/she wears cheap clothes\/her clothes are too tight\/her clothes are too sloppy\/she doesn’t act lady-like\/she’s just a caricature\/she has too many guy friends\/she swears\/she laughs too much\/she plays videogames\/she takes nothing seriously\/she’s too serious\/she’s not maternal\/Blah … blah … blah … blah … blah.<\/i><\/p>\n
I’ve actually heard or overheard each and every one of those statements mentioned about me at one time or another.<\/p>\n
And one can only suspect about the ones I haven’t heard ! \ud83d\ude42<\/p>\n
(Editor’s Note:<\/b> In case you’re curious, here are my usually silent responses to the criticisms I have heard:<\/p>\n
Sorry, it’s my real hair, but I hear Rogaine may be of some help for you, bitch\/Yeah, probably\/Never, I have better moves walking on stilts than you do barefoot\/so what, at least I like being a girl\/apparently not\/apparently\/true\/true\/I like being tall, I wish I was taller\/yeah, because I use my lips for something other than just flapping in the wind, try it sometime\/in some settings, yes\/apparently\/true, I’m working on it\/I don’t think so\/welcome to my world, have you heard yours\/you’re making stuff up, I’ve never done that\/yeah, it’s a nervous habit, I twirl my hair … you eat-smoke-play with yourself, deal with it\/see previous response\/guys don’t care\/doubtful\/more likely\/not sure that could be done\/so what\/not true\/no I’m not, I just love Coach krap\/some are, true\/definitely true\/sometimes\/I don’t think so\/where do you come up with this krap\/Not really, just seems like it\/phuck you\/very true and I’ll waste your butt\/not true, I can just prioritize really well\/I don’t think so\/far from true.<\/i><\/p>\n
What’s frustrating is that everything I did,<\/p>\n
Or what people might have seen in me at a given time,<\/p>\n
Which generated such a comment about me …<\/p>\n
Was really no different than things natal women do.<\/p>\n
However as applied to me,<\/p>\n
The comment was said or pointed out as a “defect” about me …<\/p>\n
In an overt or subsconscious way to discount my femaleness;<\/p>\n
Conveying an unspoken belief or opinion that I’m not a woman,<\/p>\n
Just playing one in my mind.<\/p>\n
Now I’m not saying that when the same things are said about natal women,<\/p>\n
It’s not meant to be mean or catty …<\/p>\n
Of course they are.<\/p>\n
It’s just that when said about a natal woman,<\/p>\n
It’s all it’s meant to be …<\/p>\n
And the subsequent judgment about them is something along the lines of …<\/p>\n
She’s lazy, selfish, bitter, ugly, tasteless, trampy etc.,<\/p>\n
Never that she’s not a woman.<\/p>\n
Plus, I’m pretty sure that it’s unlikely some of the words used when tossed at me would ever have been chosen to apply to a natal.<\/p>\n
Now I do know the difference …<\/p>\n
In how criticisms are conveyed,<\/p>\n
As I’ve also received such comments from women who think I’m natal.<\/p>\n
You can tell by the tone,<\/p>\n
By the look,<\/p>\n
By the words used,<\/p>\n
And the manner delivered (usually in confrontation in the women’s room, at least that’s my experience).<\/p>\n
This also differs from constructive criticism,<\/p>\n
I’m lucky? \ud83d\ude42 enough to have plenty of willing friends who offer me constructive criticisms in a usually positive, helpful manner …<\/p>\n
Which has been critical to my growth and development,<\/p>\n
‘Cause face it …<\/p>\n
I’ve been trying to learn about 41 years of female life experience knowledge in … oh, about 3 years now.<\/p>\n
And there’s a lot learn ! \ud83d\ude42<\/p>\n
Amyways, I bring most this on myself …<\/p>\n
Because I’m trying to woodwork.<\/p>\n
Making an attempt to just blend into society and the world at large as me …<\/p>\n
Doing my best not to call attention to my transsexualism,<\/p>\n
But not denying it either.<\/p>\n
So though there are a great number of people I meet in my day to day life that accept me as I am,<\/p>\n
Clueless as to any reason for thought otherwise …<\/p>\n
Yet there are also plenty who I encounter here and there that I know from my past,<\/p>\n
Who knew Joe first,<\/p>\n
Or know of Joe,<\/p>\n
And still see him …<\/p>\n
When looking at me.<\/p>\n
This duality of perceptions rattles me from time to time.<\/p>\n
As in one world,<\/p>\n
I’m Amy Preston … the gal who will spontaneously go play laser tag in heels with a guy she just met (we won … yay !!), but then play waitress and dote on him while enjoying some drinks afterwards;<\/p>\n
While in the other world,<\/p>\n
If doing the exact same thing, I’d be viewed as the transsexual formerly known as Joe Hairdy and probably criticized for still doing masculine things (playing laser tag), being a caricature of femaleness (wearing heeled sandals) and making a mockery of womanhood (being the one going up to the counter for more cream and napkins).<\/p>\n
I think what screws me up even more is that I’ve forgotten about Joe …<\/p>\n
And I forget that’s not the case with everyone.<\/p>\n
I don’t see him in the mirror,<\/p>\n
And am disconnected from his past.<\/p>\n
I’ve let go of Joe,<\/p>\n
I’ve got Amy memories now,<\/p>\n
And though I have access to Joe’s …<\/p>\n
They don’t always feel like mine.<\/p>\n
They are someone else’s,<\/p>\n
And when they do feel like mine …<\/p>\n
My gender is either non-descript,<\/p>\n
Or seems to have been rewritten as female.<\/p>\n
It’s weird.<\/p>\n
Oh well,<\/p>\n
Having chosen to give sticking it out here a chance,<\/p>\n
There’s really nothing I’m inclined to do about the commentary I receive at times …<\/p>\n
As I don’t feel like expending the energy to approach an intermediate solution …<\/p>\n
And get into a conversation with anyone that says krap like that …<\/p>\n
About why they feel the need to judge and evaluate me as such.<\/p>\n
Besides,<\/p>\n
It’s bound to get worse in a few weeks …<\/p>\n
Though I am hopeful that in most respects,<\/p>\n
It’ll ultimately abate.<\/p>\n
But in the meantime,<\/p>\n
I’ll just bitch about it here on occasion …<\/p>\n
While coming up with some better rude responses to share ! \ud83d\ude42<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
One of the downsides of being around people who know your function … Is that more often than not, The curiousity of transsexualism … Will lead many to examine you in a much more exacting way than they would otherwise: Scrutinizing to find something that they can tell themselves would have clued them in if…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_kad_blocks_custom_css":"","_kad_blocks_head_custom_js":"","_kad_blocks_body_custom_js":"","_kad_blocks_footer_custom_js":"","_kadence_starter_templates_imported_post":false,"_kad_post_transparent":"","_kad_post_title":"","_kad_post_layout":"","_kad_post_sidebar_id":"","_kad_post_content_style":"","_kad_post_vertical_padding":"","_kad_post_feature":"","_kad_post_feature_position":"","_kad_post_header":false,"_kad_post_footer":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[139],"tags":[],"taxonomy_info":{"category":[{"value":139,"label":"General"}]},"featured_image_src_large":false,"author_info":{"display_name":"Amy","author_link":"https:\/\/amynews.com\/author\/amy\/"},"comment_info":7,"category_info":[{"term_id":139,"name":"General","slug":"general","term_group":0,"term_taxonomy_id":143,"taxonomy":"category","description":"","parent":0,"count":775,"filter":"raw","cat_ID":139,"category_count":775,"category_description":"","cat_name":"General","category_nicename":"general","category_parent":0}],"tag_info":false,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/amynews.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1073"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/amynews.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/amynews.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/amynews.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/amynews.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1073"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/amynews.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1073\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/amynews.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1073"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/amynews.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1073"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/amynews.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1073"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}