When I made my Decision to transitioooon,
It was based with an assumption that …
As a result of being one with Function,
I’d spend the rest of my life …
Certainly not a truism for which I hoped,
I would love it not to be the case.
Reality is reality,
And the likelihood of …
Encountering a guy that sparks my interest.
Who possesses the special skills requisite to handle me,
And is able to get over any issues of My Function baggage,
While also being strong enough to deal with krap he would encounter for hanging with me from those in the world that get self gratifying thrills from judging and talking about others,
I know that.
Such is life.
But don’t get me wrong,
Just because I accept it,
And am pretty much SYB with it,
Doesn’t mean that I wouldn’t like it to be …
Not the case.
I’m not complaining about it,
But also because,
To this day I can’t adequately describe how much I didn’t know what living life was all about,
Until I transitioned.
And now that I’m actually living life,
On the oft chance I do cross paths someday with that special guy,
At least now I could give having a relationship a real shot.
It’s so worth the trade-off of significantly reduced relationship likelihood.
That’s a bunch of background krap to get to the point of this point ….
Sometimes there are settings that are really hard for me to put myself,
Because they amplify my relationshipless awareness.
Now since it’s me we are talking about,
You can rest assured,
I don’t shy away from any such settings,
You can’t thicken your skin unless you accept getting some scar tissue,
Said it before,
I’ll say it again.
Driving around my old neighborhood,
Seeing the former house,
The recollection of a hopeful life,
That’s tough on me.
It’s one of my harder self-induced emotional cuts.
But this weekend,
I found a new situation that was suprisingly difficult for me.
A trip through Lowe’s Home Improvement.
Within moments of entering the large warehouse-style facility,
I encountered the first of many, smiling couples …
Both young and old,
Making Spring purchasing decisions.
The first was a young couple in the market for a gas grill,
Then another making shelving decisions,
Another set looking at kitchens,
And still others making yardcare and painting acquisitions.
Melancholy from solo-awareness sometimes sneaks up on me,
And it did on Saturday.
On such a nice, sunny day.
Since Saturday morning,
When I had my first Lowe’s experience,
I’ve been back there once,
Went to Home Depot twice,
And Menard’s once,
For no reason other than to get over it.
The more I cut,
The less it hurts.
I also drove through my old neighborhood.
Sure wish they would paint the old house or something,
I think that might make it easier …