The Answer

One white footie

Golf Clubs

A Simon and Garfunkel Album

23 CDs

A cookie tin of 45’s – top one was The Carpenters – Rainy Days & Mondays

Gift in the glove compartment that was never able to be given

5 of Joe’s business cards

18 3-year old tablets of Vicodin (I flushed them down the toilet)

Sticky Note reminding me to “Get cigarettes and Beef Jerky” (Not for me, I’m thinking it was for Singer and Sister)

Three empty cans of Red Bull (Actually, I honestly think there’s a chance they were leftovers from a Sister and Miss Daisy outing where we went to some party just east of BFE)

Key chain in the shape of a small Florida license plate that says Amy

8 McDonald Monopoly tags

$3 in McDonald’s gift certificates

Garage door opener to Ex’s old house

House key to my old house

Room key to the place we stayed at 5 years ago during the golfing outing with my old college buddies

2002, 2003. 2004, 2005 Court Rules for my home state

2003, 2004, 2005 Criminal Statutes and Rules for my home state

2005 Court Rules for my home state – another copy

Playbill to Blue Man Group

1 Unused condom (Trojan – lubricated)

Receipt from Jake’s Pizza for a 14 inch mushroom, sausage and pepperoni thin crust pizza that Shaft ordered delivered to the hotel room the night of my FFS while he was taking care of me

Receipt for the room and golf package for Joe’s last golf outing with his old college buddies – arrival date was June 26, 2003

Printout of Joe’s last bowling sheet before my FFS – He rolled a 537.

Printout of the first bowling sheet when Joe bowled with the group after my FFS (November 19, 2003. Our series totals for the night were Singer: 349; Sister: 257; Miss Daisy: 435; Runner-Up: 431; Joe: 436. Please note for the record that I did have the team high series ! πŸ™‚ )

5 Megamillion lottery tickets – all losers

An uncashed check made out to Joe for $750.00 (too late to cash it now)

Pictures from a GP gathering in Chicago

Program to my cousin Jet’s wedding

A brand new tube of mascara

A worthless tube of lipstick

Sunglass case

Another sunglass case

And yet another sunglass case

Map of my home state

Map of my home county

Map of my second home county

Tire pressure gauge


Two old cell phones

Tube of emollient

Starbucks gift card – $10

A large Maxwell House coffee can full of change

A 2 liter Mountain Dew plastic bottle full of change

A 2 liter Coke plastic bottle full of change

5 umbrellas (Ahem … yeah, apparently Shaft was wise for putting me on Umbrella Probation – it does appear I never return a borrowed umbrella.)

4 containers of hand lotion in various stages of emptiness

Boy golf shoes

Girl golf shoes

Boy bowling shoes

Boy overnight bag (empty)

A pair of Joe’s navy Docker shorts

One of Joe’s old favorite ties

Tollway change stash stored in a small container in which I get my Chinese Chicken Noodle Soup

Abdomen sticky pads I had to wear under the girdle which I had to wear for an annoying number of weeks after my waistline liposuctiooooon

5 baseball caps

Another flashlight

Always thin pantiliners

Notes for an opening statement

Spare fuses

Windshield scraper

Parking garage card

9 travel coffee cups

4 different types of handsfree head/ear phones for various mobile phones

A golf ball mark from The Masters

A golf ball

A golf tee

A container of bandages

Car registrations and proofs of insurance for 2003, 2004, 2005 and 2006

A Nautica floating key chain with nothing attached

An Olympus voice recording device

Approximately 1,806 blue, fine tipped pens

1 Westlaw labeled highlighter

A picture of all 5 of us from my old Wednesday night gang taken the first time we hung out as a group

And The Question is …

What did Amy find in the Grand Amy incarnation of the Amymobile before she turned it in upon the expiration of her lease?

We had been through a great deal together,

The Grand Amy and Me.

As reflected by its significant quantity of mileage.

It seems like just yesterday that I got her …

Before my FFS.

Before my BA,

Before my GRS.

I remember when I first got the Grand Amy

How some commented,

Nice car, Joe, but it kinda looks like a girl’s car.

Ha !

Just give it time, folks …

It’ll all make sense soon enough. πŸ™‚

A lot of memories in that there car,

63,490 miles worth.

Last year I cleaned out my old house …

Disposing of all sorts of things of Joe.

Tons of stuff.

Inevitably I kept coming across items, momentos, that triggered all sorts of flashbacks of times past.

I had rented one of those big butt garbage dumpsters and things were either in the keep and move to some new digs pile,

Or I steeled the nerve to toss the remnants of Joe’s past in the dumpster.

(The exception being Joe’s clothes … most of those I distributed to friends, family or charity.)

The cleaning out process was brutally hard for me,

On me.

It was sort of like attending my own funeral,

As I came across so many keepsakes from life moments …

That made memories of a life past and gone seem so fresh and current.

I’d do good for a few hours of cleaning and then stumble across something that strained me.

Uber quantities of tears at times,

But it was a good cleansing,

Part of the moving on process.

I sorta thought cleaning out the Grand Amy was going to be hard on me like that,

As I stumbled across so much of what’s been going down in my life the past three years.

But it really wasn’t.

Instead it was kinda fun …

Not quite knowing what I’d find next as a reminder of what the Grand Amy and myself had been through together.

It took me a full morning emptying the Grand Amy and getting her in returnable condition.

I wanted her to look good as we parted ways, yo.

When I arrived at the dealer,

There was some mild confusion as why I was returning the car for Joe,

But it really wasn’t a problem …

He is unavailable you see,

And I’m sorta his gopher taking care of things like this from time to time. πŸ˜‰

After signing all the paper work,

Mainly just initials really, not that much signing …

I went back outside to check on her one last time,

And removed the two items I had left in the Grand Amy,

That I was thinking would make it’s way to the new Amy Mobile:

Joe’s license plate that he had since 1984, and …

The picture of my old Wednesday night gang taken the first time we hung out as a group which I always have in the Amy Mobile in the passenger seat visor mirror.

The car return lease dude took my picture next to the Grand Amy, and …

I handed them the keys thereafter.

And that is how the end came for the last item of mine in Joe’s name.

Pretty wild,

Yet totally uneventful. πŸ™‚

Final Pic With Grand Amy

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  1. Hi Bill ! No … BA stands for Breast Augmentation in the sense I used it there. My Bachelor degree was received a long, long time ago … a year after I first got my previous license plate ! πŸ™‚

    I saw your message in the About Amy section … I’d love to read the exerpts !!! I popped over to your site just briefly, is it the Chicago Style post? I’ll look around it more later … looks like some fun reads !!! πŸ™‚

  2. BA? Bachelors of Arts, yes? You slid that in between two sets of sugical procedures and confused me.

    BTW I left you a message on “About Amy.”

  3. Ah, yes, my glasses were broken – and I am (not quite but almost) legally blind – and I don’t think I did ever see the trunk open – but you also have to remember that this was TWO years ago (That LONG? Ouch!), and, given the length of the lease, the layers were only then beginning to form.

    What I liked the most was the entirely unpreposessing nature of your auto – not a statement of worth or status, but simply an instrument of reliable transportation. As an indicator of your state of mind, it was very precise. I guess that’s why I liked it.

    Yes, I did.

  4. “Whatya gonna do with all that junk…all that junk within your trunk?”

    LOL…that’s as close as I get to rap!

  5. Oh, very true … I didn’t mean to imply that Stella the Hutt is anything other than the annoyingly attractive Olivia Newton John look a like that she is … she’s frustratingly kute, which is so why I was encouraging her to purchase so much food … figured I’d take the opportunity to try and fatten her up while I could. *shrug* Hey, what can I say, it’s what I do ! πŸ™‚

  6. Ah-hem, dear Amy … while the carts were definitely FULL, vanity dictates that I state here that I am in no way a big, fat slob requiring humongous amounts of food to remain sated. I simply wanted to make sure all the bases were covered since I wouldn’t be leaving my room whilst I recovered.

    Uber grins,
    Stella (no edit necessary)

  7. Holy krap !!! Look what happens when I turn my back on you kids for just a minute !!! LOL πŸ™‚

    Shelby … There’s no crying in baseball, or at work, unless it’s in the bathroom where no one can see, though a couple of times I broke that rule, too, phucking hormones. πŸ™‚

    Stella … No kidding !!! We stuffed the Amy Mobile silly, ’cause in addition to your two full, very full people !!!, carts of groceries, didn’t I have some IKEA krap in my backseat too ??? Honest to gawd, as I was emptying the Grand Amy, I was thinking … imagine how much my gas mileage would have improved if I had this years ago !!! πŸ™‚

    Stella & Tara … Whatever. πŸ™‚ LOL

    Tara … Ethanol, hehe !!! No kidding !!!

    Kelly … *hug* It’ll be good girl, make sure you keep me informed on how your job is working out !!! πŸ™‚

    Did someone need me to edit out a name or something ??? A collective thanks to everyone for watching each other’s back on that stuff … just shoot me an e-mail if something needs tweaked, the sooner the better as recent ones are easy to edit.

  8. It’s kool Kelly … thanks for watching my back.

    Its GOT to be tougher ’cause you’ve been Greg for so long (young though thee be, dear). Greg was a good guy … now TAG, Kelly you’re IT! Run with it girl!


  9. Okay, I can stop crying now, can’t I? When I moved from my apt. to my house last summer, I gave away or threw out so much of what reminded me of Greg and after a while I just couldn’t do it anymore, I had to keep it. Like him or not, and I do like him just fine, Greg was a good guy and as I continue down this journey I’m on, I’ll miss a lot about him and that makes me really, really sad. I know Kelly is going to be a great person and I hope that people give her a chance, but I sometimes look in the mirror and when I see how sad Greg looks about what is happening to him, I just lose it, like right now.

    Why does this all have to be so hard? Alas only those of you reading this will probably understand as unless you are living this life of ours, you just can’t get it.

    Wow Amy, I’m really touched. Thanks for sharing something that to me seems so very personal. I hope you like the new Amy Mobile.

    Ah Stella, your name?

  10. Sorta like a “time capsle” opening….how cool….

    …no fear, Shelby…knowing Amy…the next Amy-mobile will come with subtle ironies of its own….and it’ll definitely be a “sweet-ride”…


  11. Ok, I am crying – at work – I have missed your writing so much. Bye Amymobile nice knowing you, but I sense the new ride will be so much nicer. Here is to a great next three years.

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