A Girl Named Goo
“So Amy, do your friends have a nickname for you?” He said, attempting to restart a conversation after failing to impress me with his previous masturbatory back-patting and offers to see his “wonderful” room at the hotel he has for his stay in town.
*pause*
Let’s see,
Back in the days of boy …
I had a few nicknames that come quickly to mind:
Hairdyman, Squirrel, and Dick.
(seriously, in light of the whole sex change thing, doesn’t that last one just make you laugh !!! LOL)
Anyways,
I really don’t think any of them would fly in the current setting.
And,
I don’t think sharing that I sometimes go by Amy-Wan Kenobi really counts because I asked people to call me that !! 🙂
So I guess it’s time for a little super accelerated improvisatiooooon.
*resume*
*a mere .5 seconds later I might add !! :)*
“Goo,” I said firmly.
“What?” He asked.
“Goo.”
“Guuuuuuuu?” He prolonged incorrectly.
“No. Goo,” I answered succinctly, without turning my attention away from the television behind the bar.
“Goo?”
“Goo.”
“Goo?”
“Goo.”
“Goo.” He said proudly, with unknowing, perfect tempo.
And this completed for my own personal amusement the task of getting him to engage in a conversation of goo goo goo goo.
Now of course,
For a pure baby talk conversation …
Which would have definitely amused me even further,
I would have needed to work a Gaa Gaa in there some place.
However,
That wasn’t my objective in this particular search for entertainment.
For in this case,
I really was more interested in sending this dweeb a message that I figured with go over his head,
Or possibly under it since he did seem to hold himself out as a more elevated, higher being than anyone from my lil’ ol’ hometown.
So in that brief moment of .5 second reflection …
I decided to kill two birds with one stone:
One, I wanted to get Mr. I’m A Smarter Businessman Than Anyone In Your BackAsswards Hometown to use some fairly simplistic, juvenile vocabulary. Similar to the type he had earlier in the evening accused most locals of using; and,
Two, I wanted to test Mr. I’m A Smarter Businessman Than Anyone In Your BackAsswards Hometown’s skills of observation, which he claimed were so astute, by giving him a not-so-subtle Function reference.
He successfully cooperated in letting me accomplish both objectives to my satisfaction,
By not only participating actively, albeit obliviously, in the Goo exchange,
But by also concluding that my self-claimed Goo nickname was in reference to extreme states of lubricating arousal.
Whattabutt !! 🙂
Oh yeah,
And obviously,
The Goo Goo Dolls rock !! 🙂
Yuppers, the door to door Goo-Gone salesperson getup won’t trick Guido the killer bodyguard into letting you in the front gate, but good try Goo:)
Julia … that is wonderful !!!! I’m happy for ya chica !!!
I agree, there are some legitimate questions about the wisdom of such a policy, and who knows, maybe someday some guy will step up to the plate and convince me to disgard stare decisis, but for now … I’ll keep stalking MacGuyer, at least until he gets a new PPO. 🙂
Julia, that sounds so cool. Would that all of us could see our lives for what they really are – moments to be embraced, not found wanting or grieved for.
I tip my hat ‘atcha, and give you a wink.
GHF
re the “no dating in the hometown” issue, to play Devil’s Advocate, I can say from personal experience that there is definitely something to be said for finding a guy who has no problem dealing with “peer pressure trash talking from their guy friends about dating “someone like me””. My function is generally known around town, and I’ve been fortunate to find a guy who is eternally thankful for having found someone as cool and hot as me and just doesn’t give a rat’s ass about what anyone thinks about us. It is a uniquely satisfying experience, although I do acknowledge the difficulty of finding such a man. Best not to limit one’s options overmuch imho…
ROFLMAO !!!!!!
AHAH! Now it comes out. The whole reason begind Amy’s “function”…. She’s a TEASE!
(Or is that T’se?)
🙂
No ‘Kenna,
These aren’t the posts you’re looking for …
🙂 How many of you figured I’d toss out that response ?? LOL
Pssssst … the post you’re looking for is a few days away !!
Are you phreakin KIDDING me Amy? You mean to tell me you’ve been hanging on to this story for 10 days, and leavin me hanging out in the breeze…all for a lil’ ole silly BAR story about your nickname?
You’ve GOT to be kiddin me!
oh…wait…
This is code isn’t it.
Never mind…
Thanks Greg-
I have just assimilated “dry-humping your leg like a horny little pug dog” into my repertoire!
That is the funniest thing I have heard in a LONG time!
M
Amy, you are genius (in an evil mastermind kinda way). I’m in awe of your ability to send a guy into baby talk at the bar. Whenever I’m about to lose faith in the evolution of the human race, you give me hope that some of us are still moving forward!
The mental image conjured up by Greg of this “poor slob dry-hunping your leg – like a horny little pug-dog” was just too much! Props to Greg for that little piece of mental scenery.
It totally cracked me up!
Amy, I agree with you…there are plenty of really decent people in this world…but, when these small-minded individuals find their way into the otherwise peacefulness of our daily existence…it is sooo much fun to toy with them. I think Greg’s point – that there seem to be a lot more men in that category (just because they try so hard to impress the ladies) – is a valid one.
Also, is it just me…or does it seem that a fair number of those guys tend to have a lot of education that they like to wear on their sleeve??? There’s nothing like a resume-reading to get a girl all “gooey.” LOL
Who knows where he would of went with that !!! LOL 🙂
Thanks Philip !!
You could have picked your favourite color blue as a nick name…and then see his real mind work
Love your blogs Philip
I do so love the Goo Goo Dolls. They are a solid second in my list of favorite bands … behind Def Leppard, of course ! 🙂
And in this case, during that .5 seconds of mental processing, I knew Goo was a much funnier self-imposed nickname than Def.
I still have my “No Dating Guys From My Hometown” rule, again, not because there aren’t many here that I’d love to have ask me out, but only because dating a guy in my hometown, if they are from my hometown, means they’d have friends here and at some point the whole Function issue would become more of an issue than it’ll be anyways probably and they’ll have to deal with that peer pressure trash talking from their guy friends about dating “someone like me” (said in a much more blunt, degrading way than I just used) and then they’ll dump me for that reason and then I’ll feel like a phreak and all that fun stuff.
However, I really don’t want this post to be construed as a bashing guys post, because it’s not. Most guys I know have been amazingly nice, incredibly funny, and if it wasn’t for my guy friends and some men I know only in passing that still go out of their way to be nice to me, I’d probably have crashed and burned a long time ago.
This post was meant merely to mock some out-of-town butthead who was saying mean things my hometown. A place of which I’m particularly fond !!! 🙂
The Goo Goo Dolls do indeed rock!
=^_^=
OK, so we’ve got Gregory trained. Now for the rest of em.
So what’s been happening Amy? Doing OK?
I’ve started the dating thing, and so far, all the guys I’ve met are seriously more clueless than the one discussed above.
Dumb as a box of rocks….
Email me, girl.
Laura a.
Be sure to read
http://www.amynews.com/cgi-bin/mt-comments.cgi?entry_id=1413
(Greg Flagg at July 31, 2005 01:09 PM)
before you read this….
Amy, You brought me the evidence. You proved my point PRECISELY. I rest my case.
This guy didn’t even NEED to be in “…some reasonable proximity to a woman with a smile on her face and more than dead uninterested eyes…” to spontaneously combust or place one foot in his mouth. “…Without turning [your] attention away from the television [from] behind the bar…” you got that slob to say “goo goo goo goo” after “masturbatory back-patting.” True, “ga ga goo goo” would have been nice, too, but that just would have been icing on an already sickly sweet cake.
The only thing left that could further prove my thesis – that women “own” us [men] and that “…most women do not understand the power they wield over us [men]…” would be this poor slob dry-hunping your leg – like a horny little pug-dog.
So,
how’s life?
Interesting, I hear.