Purging Amy’s InBox

No …

That’s NOT code for something !! 🙂

It’s been a while since I’ve shared some of the questions I’ve received from viewers …

And since the posts I have in the pipe seem to be a bit intense,

I figured I’d ease you back into all things Amy with some thoughtful questions from others.

So here goes:

1. Is your life now as Amy how you thought it would be once you went through transition/surgeries?

No. Absolutely not. My life now is so much better than I ever imagined that it could have become. I simply cannot describe how much easier it is to live just being myself, without constantly having to think about how I’m supposed to act, what I’m supposed to do, in order not to let anyone figure out I wasn’t really a boy. Now don’t get me wrong, life is still life … it’s a serious pain in the butt at times … work sucks some days, televisions die, it’s cold as the beejeebers out there and you need to fill your car up with gas, and butts that don’t even know you and who probably play with themselves daily or cheat on their wives weekly are mocking you behind your back … but still, handling all those normal challenges of life is so much easier as myself than playing someone I wasn’t. So no, it’s nothing at all like I thought it would be … it’s much, much better.

2. Have you had your first kiss with a man yet? Is so, what was it like?

You’re new here, aren’t you ? Yes, I have. As far as what it’s like … depends on the guy. I won’t say that I have lots of experience kissing men (shut up !!!!), but I can say … from what I’ve learned so far, it’s just like when I was a guy and kissed girls … it depends on the person I’m kissing.

Some guys are like kissing wet wads of spit; some guys are like kissing a slobbering St. Bernard who puts his entire mouth all over yours as if he’s going to suck your entire face in some Alien sort of manner, but then tries to shove his entire tongue down your throat; and then there are some guys that really know how to kiss.

Just for the record, in my opinion, a good kiss involves each of the five major senses … though the sense of sight is experienced in its inverse, as you should always kiss with your eyes closed.

3. Have you met a new circle of friends that know only Amy? If yes, do you see them often?

Yes, I have. My transition has certainly not developed in the way I anticipated that it would in that respect. I thought I would have kept the same group of friends for the most part, but pretty much my entire social life is now spent with people I didn’t know a year ago (though I still see Shaft most days at work and I usually catch-up with Krazy Kat Lady once every couple of weeks or so for a beer.)

I do remain close and spend a ton of time with my family, aunts and uncles and way kick-ass cousins … who collectively comprise the best family in the world !!!

As far as why the changeover in friends? Well, with some, it’s deliberate no doubt – there are those that are just not comfortable hanging with a girl that used to be a guy; with others, it might just be a temporary thang … a bit of uncertainty while processing my whole change; and with others, well, it’s just life moving things in different directions – nothing mean-spirited or anything like that … it just happens.

4. Are you really a transsexual?

Ahhhhh … that’s like the best compliment I think I can receive as a t-girl … of course I’m taking it to mean you’re suggesting I’m such a damn good looking chica !! lol 🙂

Hey, cut me some slack … I can dream !! 🙂

Anyways, yuhp … I’m a real, live, honest to goodness transsexual.

Though, actually, it’s a really good question in the theoretical sense. Some are of the opinion that once they transition, they are no longer transsexual as they cease experiencing the dysphoria caused by an incongruity between brain and body; others are of the opinion that it’s when one has the final genital realignment surgery (or genital reassignment surgery or sex reassignment surgery or whatever you feel like calling it :)) that one ceases being transsexual; and still others think regardless of whether or not they’ve transitioned or had surgery, they will always be transsexual.

I don’t think there is any set answer and I’m really not sure it matters a bit. Unless for medical purposes, I really don’t see why it would matter. Though I respect each person’s viewpoint and reference accordingly.

As for me, I tend to think that when I was born with a brain/body conflict, that is what made me a transsexual, and though I’ve treated it and no longer suffer from the associated gender dysphoria, it’s still a term that describes the congenital nature of condition as it applied to me. Plus, despite the ease of life which I am able to live now, there is still that possibility that always exists that my past may become an issue for someone … so to me, once a transsexual, always a transsexual. It’s no big deal though and I’m certainly not embarassed about it. So yes, I’m a transsexual. 🙂

5. What’s your bowling average?

It changes by the week as it’s a rolling average (get it?? rolling … average … as in bowling ball rolling down the … ahhh, forget it ! :)) Currently I think I’m around 146, though at one point this season I was seriously kicking butt.

6. What did hormones do about muscle mass? Did you see a loss of muscle mass and especially what about your shoulders?

The hormones had a fairly significant impact for me for which I really wasn’t prepared. I was never a manly man all into being muscle bound or anything, but I was certainly not out of shape. I fell into the “a little below average” on the male strength scale I think … which I thought would put me in the “above average” in strength on the female scale … however, I’ve seemed to find myself in the same place on the female scale as I was on the male scale … slightly below average.

The reduction in upper body strength as my associated muscle mass dissipated due to the hormones and lack of any effort to maintain them further has been something I still find myself getting used to dealing with … things I used to be able to lift or move, I have no chance in hell of moving, grocery bags are heavier and moving furniture often requires assistance from others now.

I think it reduced the shape of my upper body some, but I don’t know how dramatic it has been. I still think I’ve got very broad shoulders for a girl, though trust me, I notice that many natal girls seem to have proportionately broad shoulders too. I think that many of us t-girls tend to think about our shoulder width more than we really need to … it doesn’t seem to be one of the major tells that people focus in on to figure out one’s past.

However, I do de-emphasize my shoulders by wearing certain styles of tops. My frequent use of v-neck tops is because it minimizes one’s shoulders (see, and you thought it was just to show off Amanda and Nicole). Darker color tops would also assist in that effort, though my fondness for light blues and oranges seem to leave me wearing darker colored tops less often than I probably should.

7. Why would a guy ever choose you over a “real” girl?

You know … when someone has the stones to ask that question … I have to respect them. I mean, it’s inherently an offensive question, but at the same time … I totally understand the query.

Now if a guy is interested in a younger model, well … seriously, there’s no way I can compete with some early/mid-20’s chica … no 40-something woman can if that’s what a man is seeking. However, if a guy is looking for a woman my age, well then … I do bring some benefits to the table.

Kenna and Laura have heard me rant about said benefits a thousand times, which seems to equate the number of times I’ve been asked this question … I usually call them after I’ve been asked the question and do my rant about it … it’s not a mean rant, but a totally Amy “give me a break, there are at least a dozen reasons why a guy might prefer me over a natal girl” rant.

So here are a quick dozen reasons why a guy might prefer me over a natal girl:

1.) I like being a girl. Face it … being a girl is not easy, and by the time women have had to deal with the challenges that come with being chica for 40 or so years … they don’t enjoy being female … instead they are often bitter and kranky. Me on the other hand, I’m glad I’m a girl, I like it still … so my guy gets the perks of being with a girl that’s not bitter, kranky or hateful of all things Y-chromosome and who enjoys being a girl and being around a guy who is glad he’s a guy. By the time I reach that point in say 30 or 40 years where I’ll be kranky and bitter, he’ll be dead and I’ll be living off his life insurance … so he won’t have to deal with it. Works out well. 🙂

2.) Gravity. My breasts have only been dealing with the effects of gravity for about 7 months …

They are perky, firm and bouncy,

Not droppy, sagging and floppy.

Same goes for my ass.

3.) My fondness for discrete intimate moments in quasi-public places … ’nuff said.

4.) I don’t have an angry ex-husband causing problems.

5.) No children from a prior relationship.

6.) I have my own career.

7.) Editor’s Note: This particular reason for finding me moderately desirable was posted in a bit of frustration, and though on one level was exceedingly catty, on another was distasteful and simply not something a lady should say in a public forum – as such, I’ve edited myself !! Which should make some of those whose comments I’ve had to edit in the past happy to see !! What can I say … I’m fair and balanced !! 🙂

8.) I don’t mind if you watch football all weekend and though I understand that as a member of the female sex, most things I say to you will be heard as “blah blah blah blah blah blah blah” … I actually know sports quite well and can toss out an intelligent question that can let you show off what a man you are when you answer it for me with your nice, simple 40 minute response that somehow always begins with reference to some high school football game you played in … and from what I can tell so far … it’s the same phreaking football game that’s relived each and every time ! But one I just love hearing about !! 🙂

9.) My lack of physical strength and total stupidity when it comes to anything operated with a motor will not only ensure you never question your manhood by being with me, but trust me, will eventually annoy you while also confirming that there’s no way in heck I could have ever really been a guy.

10.) No PMS which I would take out on you. (Though sometimes I’m just bitchy and use it as an excuse, but you can call me on it.)

11.) No menopause either.

12.) My personality is basically that of a teenager with the experiences of an adult and life reference points of an 80’s child. It’s a fun combination, trust me.

13.) (Baker’s Dozen) Though it really has nothing to do with my transsexualism, I totally kick ass in any board games requiring knowledge of totally useless information.

Simply said, if a guy can get over the baggage I have of once pretending to be a guy, I really don’t have a lot of the baggage many other women my age have.

I really don’t view my past as that much baggage, I mean … everyone has baggage, including the guy that might have an interest in me …

And with my attitude, I’ll probably have a bigger problem with his baggage that he’d ever be capable of having with mine.

So the moral of the answer to this question is:

Don’t sell yourself short. There’s a lot of reasons someone might be interested in you … don’t forget that !!!!! 🙂

Editor’s Note: I really don’t compare myself to natal girls as the list above might suggest, it only came about as a purely defensive response when I started receiving the question in sometimes a mean-spirited way.

However, I do compare myself with natal women in the same way I compare myself with t-women …

Is she cuter than me? Is she thinner than me? Is she funnier than me? Is she nicer than me? The word “bitch” is muttered under my breath for each yes answer … though for the record, I have to answer yes to each of those questions for my closest female friends … which is so annoying, I really need to find lesser caliber friends to make me look better in comparison !! lol 🙂

8. Are you comfortable wearing women’s clothes?

I really don’t think about it … they’re just clothes.

I certainly don’t feel any sort of awkwardness or strangeness wearing any of the clothes I wear … though sometimes I regret my choice of footwear purely for physical comfort reasons !! 🙂

9.) What’s been the hardest day to day routine to get used to about being a girl?

Buttons. I swear … for the longest time, I think it was my biggest tell. Women’s clothes have the button hole on one’s right side, men’s have the button hole on the left. It’s a total retraining of the brain to get used to the change. Try it guys … put on your wife’s coat and see what it’s like to button it up … you’ll struggle with it. No … don’t worry … no one well make fun of you for wearing your wife’s coat. Trust me !! 🙂

However, that’s followed closely though by hooking necklaces … sometimes I’ll get a new one that will take me a good 10 minutes of repeated attempts to connect before I start to figure out the secret.