The Walk – My Final Thought
I definitely should be more phreaked out.
I’m a block away,
Not even that …
And I haven’t even once thought that I can’t do this.
In fact,
There’s no doubt in my mind I’m going to do this …
It’s really no big deal.
Singer, Hottie, Sister and Miss Daisy …
They totally get the credit for this confidence I seem to have.
Thanks you guys !!! 🙂
There is absolutely no way I’d be where I am in my transition without them …
They totally pushed the limits of my comfort zone to new levels …
Making sure that I reintegrated myself back into society.
I hope they know what a positive role they played in my transition,
And are one of the reasons why I’m sooo fine with just being me now.
Wow.
It’s hard to believe that it’s been less than a year since any of them saw me …
Met me,
For the first time.
It seems so long ago …
Like another life.
I guess it was. *shrug*
But it was just earlier this year …
That I was begging Singer to change the location where the group of us was going to meet up for drinks,
And her responding …
“No. You’re not going to go through all this to be you and then be afraid to leave the house. You need to push your limits.”
Geezuz kripes …
That’s wild,
9 months ago I was scared to go into a phreaking bar where there was a remote possibility I’d run into someone I knew …
And now I’m walking into the courthouse where it’s assured I’ll run into people I know.
I guess during the process of disgarding my stones,
I’ve gotten some stones !! 🙂
Good thing too …
I’m here.
Aims,
After giving you the big “lecture” about staying put, I am dying to see if I gave you good advice!
M
Thank God; I was having withdrawal. I think it has been the reason I’ve been so terribly depressed (is the guilt trip working?).
laura a
Promise, promise, promise …
I’ll have a couple of posts up yet tonight.
LOL That is a good point Yodette !! 🙂
Amy, if we weren’t gluttons for punishment, would we have stuck around this long? 🙂
Sworry … I know, I’m a bit slow here … working on it though … once the next post is published, you’ll get a flurry of them !!! 🙂 You’ll be like … enough already, shut up Amy ! 🙂
OK, Amy,
Then what happened?
laura a
Dear Amy,
Do you remember the conversation we had the evening of July 3rd, this year, while M was in bed just beginning her recovery from FFS?
You were discussing the idea becoming a different kind of attorney, or starting a practice in some other (“far away”) county, or perhaps even becoming a forensic accountant (which you considered at that time to be a perfect choice because of your background).
This, all because you could not even DREAM of walking back into “your” courthouse as full-blown, full on, full-time Amy.
And here you are, marching 2-1/2 blocks straight into what you once thought might be your own personal hellhole.
Wow. Less than four months — fewer than 150 days. What a change!
One of the (many) enchanting and delightful devices you have used to keep AmyNews so ALIVE for us all is your expertise in the use of, as well as your style of, language. It is almost entirely episodic in nature, making for a very lively and insightful read. That is not to say there is not a thread which holds it all together – there is. But that’s all it is, just a thread, not a plot. By your use of language and style you have pointed out very eloquently, that life, even during something as meaningful, paced, and deliberately directed as transition, is entirely episodic in nature.
This is something I began learning when I was at Swats, but really started to appreciate when my sister came out as TS…
…that life does not have a plot. It is not schematic in nature. It is not, and cannot, be planned or plotted or be (or become) part of a larger function. It just is. Chaotic. Ambiguous. Sometimes frenzied and disordered, sometimes confused and bewildering. Sometimes it is funny, always untidy, rarely gracious, always muddled.
You have very eloquently pointed this out — AGAIN — by just walking to your courthouse.
You have fought, caught, and devoured personal demons of a magnitude I am not entirely prepared to admit even exist. But you have. Horay for you, Amy dear.
Thank you Singer, Hottie, Sister and Miss Daisy. Hope to get to meet you sometime.
Oh, and thank YOU Shaft.
hugs and xx’s,
GHF
Amy-Wan does it again…Going where no Jedi has gone before 🙂
(We are all out of our seats cheering!)
I’m waiting to hear if there really is a home court advantage.
Nice read Amy…..I’m a sucker for a story with a happy ending – I guess it’s a chick thing 🙂
c
My heart was racing when I set foot back on the company property. I was going to a different place, where no one knew me from before, but there was still the chance I would run into someone, even as big as the company was.
So, after moving to yet another part of the company after a month in my return place, I was sitting at my desk one day about two months after moving into this job, when what should I see? An old acquaintance. Oh! My! God! What am I freakin’ going to do? Well, after about a day of thinking about it, I waited until I would meet her in the hall, and just went up and talked with her. I told her that I used to work with her, and what the old name used to be. She looked me up and down and said something to the effect of, “Damn, well you turned out alright. I wondered what had happened to you. Let’s go get some lunch.”
It was cool. She was cool. She wasn’t the last.
I had that scene happen to me a bunch more times, including two people who were High School classmates. Both of them were acquaintances in school. At work, with the new me, they became great friends. They both were fantastic!
In fact, to show me how comfortable Kate was, she and I went to Nordstroms during lunch. We found some cute clothes and went to try them on. She had me come into her booth, and we were just like any two other girlfriends out shopping, helping each other get dressed in the possible purchases. Our friendship continues to this day, but is lessened a bit by the fact that she moved to another part of the country, so it’s hard to get together for lunch.
I guess I’m telling you girls, It’s not all bad. There’s lots of good people out in the world. And, as the old saying goes, “You reap what you sow”. Remember that in your relationships, and see what comes back to you.
Amy, I know you’ll just do super. You’re bright, bubbly, and have some great friends who helped set you on a straight path. Go get ’em, girl!
Huggz,
Lisa iMom
Thanks kids !!
But there’s plenty more posts to go in this mini-series … so hang on, it gets much more interesting !! 🙂
You came, you saw, you conquered.
Congrats, sister!
Another step done.
laura a
You played out the Kobiashi Maru scenario. I “Kirk’ed” it by starting over from ground zero. I’m not sure your approach didn’t take more guts.
Major mountain you’ve climbed sista. I’m commin out there and givin you a great BIG hug…
M