Metal Detection

Courtroom security varies considerably not only from county to county …

But from courthouse to courthouse within the same county.

Some courthouses have absolutely no security …

Anyone can walk right in,

While others take security way too seriously …

“Oh thank you, I was wondering were I left that tampon.”

And it makes no sense who has strong security or weak security.

The most stringent courthouse procedures are in Podunk County,

While a larger county courthouse I visit from time to time …

Has just token security precautions:

Please leave any weapons outside. If you feel like it that is, we don’t mean to antagonize you.

Anyways …

In this one counthouse I was hanging out in recently,

It has slow security …

Everyone entering the building has to walk through this one metal detecter …

And it just doesn’t move along fast at all.

Which in the old days really wasn’t that much of a pain …

Because if they recognized you as an attorney,

Or if you had a super secret decoder bar card …

Then you could just walk right past everyone and through security.

Sweet attorney perk.

But now they don’t recognize me …

And I haven’t gotten my new super secret decoder bar card yet,

Or the ….

Ugly ass bad desk jet picture id card from my home court which is accepted there as a reliable alternate.

So I had to stand in line waiting for entry.

Which was no biggee,

Since it did give me incentive to get the paperwork done for my new cards.

Finally when it was my turn …

I set my court folder, case and pwus on the conveyer thingee,

And walked through the metal detector.

BEEP !!

Huh, that’s odd.

Maybe it was my bracelet I was wearing from Aunt Janet that set it off,

Or I guess my earrings, but that’s never happened before.

And let’s be real,

I certainly couldn’t think of anything else close to metal on my bod except for that …

As I tend not to wear loose fitting clothes with useful pockets …

So there’s just no place to have anything hiding around like change or lip balm.

Then as a line started to gather waiting for me to clear the metal detector …

I did another walk through.

BEEP !!

Damn …

“Please step over here ma’am and hold your arms out from your sides.”

So there I was …

Doing the scarecrow,

While the security dude is waving the metal detecting wand in front of me …

Nothing on my arms, legs, or waist …

“It might be your heels ma’am, that’s often it.”

(Now that did make sense, I have encountered that problem before.)

So he waves the wand over my heels.

SILENCE !!

“Or your bra.”

And as I held my arms out to my side …

He waved the wand in front of my breasts.

BEEEEEEEP !!

FLASHING LIGHTS

Nice !! 🙂

Sometimes,

I swear …

The situations I find myself in still seem just … unreal !! LOL

Anyways …

I cleared security after that …

And was on my way.

But the questioooon is …

Which of the following was my remark when my bra set off the metal detector:

1.) Do you need me to take it off? Because I have no problem with that, really.

2.) Hmpphhh. How do you like that? He was right for a change. I guess on cold days my nipples can be as hard as bullets.

3. What can I say? It’s not the first time they set off a guy’s wand.

Editor’s Note: I really thought by now that technology would have been developed as not to see an underwire bra setting off a metal detector. Though on the other hand, this metal detector looked like it was circa 1978.