Just Me, Thanks

*Looking over left shoulder*

*Looking over right shoulder*


A t-girl I corresponded with on occasiooooon often commented what solitary journey it is to …


Deal with one’s transsexuality.

How every step of the way …

When something is hard to do …

You’re doing it alone.

I thought back about it …

And only once have I ever done anything of significance associated with my transition …

Where I was scared to death …

And I didn’t have to do it alone.

Making the first counseling appointment,

Attending the first support group meeting,

Seeing the first doctor,

Presenting in public for the first time,

Every single Disclosure,

Every single phone call to someone,

Going into the operating room for the first time,

Second time,

Third time,

Fourth time.

Meeting friends for the first time.

Meeting family members for the first time.

Walking into new settings,

Surprising acquiantances for the first time,

Blah … blah … blah.

Soon …

I’ve got to walk into a roomful of people …

Where my function will come as a surprise to many.

Who knows the reactions that will result.

All I know is that …

I’m going to have to do something that’s scaring the krap out of me …

Where I have no experience in handling it …

And once again,

It’s just going to be me …

With no one watching my back.


Oh well … *shrug*

Gotta do what ya gotta do !!

I’m actually getting pretty used to being scared to death !! 🙂

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  1. Yes indeed Amy – Malaysian, your Jedi powers serve you well. It used to pop up with annoying frequency over there (and Singapore) prior to my giving presentations to customers who were about to spend large amounts of USD…..it was the locals way of focusing my attention on the presentation rather than the fear I felt – it worked. Although, I don’t recommend taking the piss out of an account manager and his Ugly-green-gravy-wiper-New-Jersey-Turnpike-wide-Tie. Humor is lost on account managers. A word to the wise.

  2. I agree completely, and honestly, in the first draft of this post I mentioned that very point 🙂 … It really is no different at all from most other personal journeys or growth experiences … except the scary/alone situations seem to be greater in frequency when transitioning than in most other journeys.

  3. in all honesty, i don’t really see how it’s different in this respect from any other kind of personal journey, travail, or transformation. in many cases (not all, certainly), it’s the fear itself that makes one most alone.

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