Another Saturday On My Back

Let me tell you …

If you haven’t had nasal surgery while using a local anesthetic,

So you are fully awake during the procedures …

You’re totally missing out !! 🙂

And I’m actually being serious …

I always wanted to video the surgeries that were done to me,

To see what actually takes place during the hours I’m unconscious …

But the lawyer in me prevented me from even thinking seriously about it because if I ever asked someone who said yes, I’d have to tell them not to do it because it was just too great of a liability risk and probably a violation of their malpractice policy.

Nonetheless,

That hasn’t stopped me from imagining what it is like.

I figure there are times of just normal talk among the surgery room staff:

“So, whatcha doing this weekend?”

“Nothing planned, I might clean the bathroom. You?”

Times of planning for activities later in the day:

“Hey, what do you guys want to do for lunch?”

“Why don’t we send out of Olive Garden?”

“Hell no, it always reeks in here after we get Olive Garden … geezuz, you really gotta stop doing that during surgeries!”

To the periods of just lighthearted frivolity:

“Man, I was so lit up last Saturday night, I can’t believe I made it to Monday. By the way, have any of you seen my car?”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah … don’t you get the joke … and then the penguin said ‘that’s NOT my asshole!’ Gawd, I love that one. I need a tissue please.”

But I also figure there are times of intense work …

And that with any sort of surgery,

When you are …

Cutting,

Grinding,

Reshaping …

Body parts,

There are times of serious demanding precision work,

And moments requiring just brute force strength.

It’s those latter moments I’d love to see.

Anyways …

This past Saturday Dr. Z was going to do something about the two bumps that appeared mysteriously on my nose overnight about two months ago.

Now,

I have to thank Dr. Z for being persistent in making sure that we took care of these bumps …

They were irritating me,

And Dr. Z managed me perfectly.

Listening to my impatience about wanting them gone,

But also not disregarding some wise evaluative steps …

In trying to determine what the bumps were.

Their overnight appearance so long after surgery seemed to confuse all on what they could be.

So it was nice earlier this week when he called me to see how things were progressing and then made time for me to go in yet this week and rasp them down.

Originally we had planned on me being there at 2:30 pm Chicago time …

But he had a FFS surgery before me, so my start time was just an estimate.

I told him I’d actually leave early and try to be there by 1:45 pm so that whenever he was ready,

I would be there …

And it didn’t matter to me if we didn’t start until late afternoon,

He was accommodating me by getting me in so promptly,

So I was going to do what I could to make it easier for him.

And true to my word …

I was on the road in plenty of time Saturday AM,

When around 11:00 am Chicago time …

I got the call:

“Hi Amy, this is Dan with Dr. Zukowski’s office, we just wanted to let you know we are on schedule with the morning surgery and that we will be ready for you any time after 1:45 pm.”

Now …

All I had to do was hear the word “Hi“,

And I knew exactly who it was calling !!

Yes …

The Illustrious Anethesiologist Dan !!!!

Wooo hoooo !!! 🙂

Amanda and Nicole woke up.

As I’ve mentioned before,

Anethesiologist Dan is my favorite anesthesiologist …

He was with me for my tracheal shave,

My boob job,

And I know he at least finds me memorable …

Because he usually mentions my shots of Jack Daniels requirement for my doctors and some hamburger story I told one time while under the effects of general …

And he remembers what I do for a living (though I think surgeons always remember when they are working on attorneys.)

Now personally, I like to think he finds me memorable because of my bright blue eyes, soft blonde hair, playful fake boobs and ability to drive him up the wall, make him laugh and arouse him all at the same time …

But I’m pretty sure it’s the former and not the latter.

Oh well. *dreamy sigh* 🙂

Anyways,

After I made my trip though Chicago,

Which was totally Amy-fun (pictorial to follow) …

I rolled into Dr. Z’s parking lot at 1:44 pm,

A full minute early.

(Note for future reference people, wave a hot guy in front of me and I can actually be on time !)

Now,

Knowing Anesthesiologist Dan might still be in the building …

I unbuttoned my top further than normal (whatever) …

Smiled thankfully for the fact that I wore one of my kute bras that day …

Gobbed on some gloss (MAC Love Child was the flavor for the day) …

And sprayed on a delicate mist of Happy.

I then bopped my way into Dr. Z’s office.

First I saw Dr. Z who welcomed me …

And checked out my nose.

Hmmm …

“Okay, I think the best thing to do at this point is to go in through the old incision and just rasp those two bumps down.”

Yay !!!! No cuts on the outside of my nose !!!

“Kewl, I was hoping you’d say that. Though, can you feel right here near the end of my nose, I feel another similar bump, but it’s not noticeable yet, but it seems right at the point of becoming so.”

“Hmmmm … yes, I can feel what you’re talking about. Well, if we’re going in for the other two bumps, we should take care of this one at the same time.”

“Sweet ! Now, am I going under a general or are we using a local.”

“A local today.”

That’s what I thought and that’s good actually, even though it means I won’t get any private time with Anesthesiologist Dan. I drove myself and if it had been a general, I wouldn’t be able to drive home. I’m sure we had discussed that it was just going to be a local, however, the additional bump could always have changed things.

“Did you have anything to eat today?”

“No, I didn’t. I wasn’t sure if I was supposed to eat or not. I tried calling you once about that, but had poor cell coverage at the time, and just didn’t think of it again.”

“Well, I would like some food in you. Have a seat and eat some of these cookies. Ben is getting the room prepped and we’ll be ready for you in a few.”

So as I was munching on some cookies …

But who should appear rounding the corner,

The Illustrious Anesthesiologist Dan !!

“Hi Amy. Are you supposed to be eating before surgery?”

“Hi Dan !” I said as I placed the tray of cookies on the seat beside me and stood to walk towards him, contemporaneously wiping the cookie crumbs off my face that were stuck in my lip gloss …

I’ll all class I’m telling ya !! 🙂

“Dr. Z told me to eat them,” I quickly offered.

“Oh, okay. Hey, how was traffic downtown? I have to try to make a wedding?”

“Not yours I hope. All the lanes were full, but traffic was moving nicely. It only took me 20 minutes to get here from downtown and the express lanes were open going into the city.”

“Great thanks. So, how are you doing? You’re looking great.”

“Thanks … all because of you guys here !! Hey, may I get a picture of us together? I always preach the greatness of Anesthesiologist Dan and how phreaking kute you also are … I’d like to have some proof !!” *disturbingly natural flirty smile combined with this thing I also do sometimes of dipping my chin down slightly and then looking UP at the guy with my eyes*

“Of course, let’s take it now, because I do have to leave soon.”

So when Dr. Z came back through …

We got a picture of me with Anesthesiologist Dan (don’t we make a cute couple … really, I’d make a great Mrs. Anesthesioligist Dan !! I’m not naming names or anything, but someone there did tell me I have really pretty eyes !! :)), and …

A picture of me with Dr. Z (he doesn’t look as happy as he should when being in my company, does he ?? I have several pics of Dr. Z and me, and he’s never smiling in any of them … but I did have him laughing a short bit later … of course, at the time I think it was in response to some smart-ass comment of mine while he had my right nostril spread open large enough to contain a phreaking watermelon !!!!!!!!!! If I’m not mistaken, it was a quote from Fletch …. Moooon River !!!)

Soon I was taken to Exam Room No. 1,

Where I changed into surgery garb …

And then went over the consent forms and one last rundown of what Dr. Z was going to be doing on me that day.

Now in addition to the bump removal,

We were also going to be removing a couple of spider veins around my eyes that I wanted eliminated.

Moments later Ben, one of Dr. Z’s trusty surgical assistants and who I’ve come to know quite well …

Came to get me and take me into the surgery room.

As I made the short walk there …

I passed by Exam Room 2 and saw the morning AM FFS patient in recovery.

Looking like everyone of us did after the surgery …

Totally unrecognizable.

Eyes swollen shut,

Head wrapped in bandage, and

Big swollen lips.

Wow …

I thought,

It’s hard to believe it’s been 11 months since I was in that same position,

And how much my life has changed since then,

All for the better. 🙂

I also thought about how damn glad I was that it was her and not me in recovery !!!

Now Ben is a really comforting surgical assistant …

He senses when you’re uncomfortable before you even realize it yourself,

And takes measures to alleviate it.

He also just knows small little things to do to make things a little easier for you,

And last but not least …

He’s got a totally deviant sense of humor,

Which fits well with me ! 🙂

So after I had myself back down on the operating table …

When for the first time that I remember happening in the operating room,

He took these velcro straps and secured each of my arms and legs down to the operating table,

I didn’t hesitate one moment to say …

“Ahhh Ben, I usually charge extra when doing bondage. You better of brought cash !!”

True to form …

He had a quick response.

“No problem Aims. You see that clock up there, it’s actually a webcam. I’m making $14.99 a minute off you.”

“Sweet, well then hike this blanket up some and show more of my leg !”

Anyways …

Things got serious a few seconds later when Dr. Z came into the room.

He explained to me that there’s little he can do about the pain that’s going to be associated with the burning, shocking or whatever the hell he was doing to the spider veins I wanted removed …

Because he wouldn’t use anesthesia that area.

No problem, I can take pain.

He also said that there would be discomfort when he shot my nose up with anesthesia.

And he immediately started to shoot the anesthesia in my nose …

Now though it was indeed uncomfortable,

And definitely hurt some …

It wasn’t that bad.

And while that was given time to take …

He started zapping the spider veins.

I think it hurt worse because it was on the thin skin area around my eyes …

Curse my fair skin !!! The price one pays to be royalty !!! 🙂 heh heh jk

But let me tell you,

I think he zapped me like a gazillion times …

And each time,

It hurt like phreaking hell !!!!!!

Think electrolysis …

Under your nose …

Times ten.

OUCH !!!!

Now, he was super good about trying to do it at a pace that was bearable,

And he kept asking me if I was okay,

Or needed to pause,

But of course I lied,

And answered through my clenched teeth while I was gripping the krap out of the pads underneath my restrained arms,

“I’m fine. Thank you sir, may I have another?”

I need help, I know ! 🙂

The spidey zapping drained me,

No Doubt.

But that was the easy stuff,

‘Cause now he was going to go inside my nose,

To look for a new bump we haven’t really discussed before …

Remove that,

And then file down the two bumps we had before.

Oh yeah,

And don’t forget …

I was awake through all this.

Now …

I did close my eyes,

And really didn’t open them much during process,

Though it was really a surreal experience being wide awake during the procedures.

We actually talked throughout …

Dr. Z and Ben asking me frequently if I was in any discomfort,

Making sure that I had enough of the local,

And them distracting me with small talk.

Conversations in which I did participate …

While grinding the daylights out of my teeth.

So …

Did it hurt??

It wasn’t pain as in a painful way …

But it was quite uncomfortable.

And very exhausting.

I felt like my nostrils were just being ripped apart …

Even though I couldn’t feel the pain …

Just the tugging in opposite directions.

And the sensation when the was filing down the bumps in the upper part of my nose …

Totally weird.

I could feel and hear the vibrations throughout my head …

Even though it didn’t hurt.

In my mind I could just envision this super huge shop file up my nose,

Burring the bumps away.

But it was all worth it …

Because I got to hear Dr. Z in action.

The two bump raspings were interesting to witness …

As he would do some filing,

Then check to see how it was …

And I could him mutter a “not yet“.

I could actually feel him working.

But the real experience was when he was dealing with the bump at the end of my nose …

The one I just informed him of about 45 minutes earlier.

If felt as if he was tearing my nose apart …

Again, not from any pain,

But from the sensation of stretching.

And he just couldn’t find the darn problem.

I could sorta feel and sense him moving around in there …

He’d do something,

Feel the nose …

Look in the endoscope screen or whatever it’s called …

And say,

“No, that’s not it.”

Every now and then I’d hear a …

“There, see it … that’s it,”

But then he’d have to challenges getting to it without losing it.

Even though they kept asking how I was doing …

The tugging was exhausting me.

I was honestly at the point of saying just screw it.

But I didn’t …

And Dr. Z sure wasn’t giving up.

Finally …

After 45 minutes in the tip of my nose,

I heard the words I never thought I’d hear.

“Got it !!”

Whew !!!

I was utterly and completely exhausted.

Two things crossed my mind as I laid there getting a grip on things …

One, there is no way in hell Kenna would do what I just did, she’s a general anesthesia chica; and,

Two, I wanted my mom ! 🙂

Mom had wanted to ride with me for the little excursion,

But I didn’t think it was going to be any big deal …

And I have this problem with wanting to do this stuff by myself.

I’m not sure if it’s because as Shaft says,

I’ve got this belief that there can be no gain without pain, or

If I have a subconscious need to punish myself because of some suppressed guilt I have for being transsexual in the first place,

But either way …

I decided from here on out,

When mom wants to come with,

She gets to come with,

Because I was not in a good way.

“How are you Amy?” Dr. Z asked.

“I’m really weak doctor.”

“You need food. You should have eaten more beforehand. You’re always usually eating, what’s gotten into you?”

It’s true, he’s right. I usually am always eating.

“I know doctor. Sorry. I’ll go get some food.”

“No you won’t. You’re not going anywhere until you get some food first.”

Then he left while Ben took super nice care of me …

Cleaning me up some and applying some compression on a couple of the spider vein searings.

Now …

For those who haven’t been to Dr. Z’s office on a Saturday afternoon,

It’s usually bustling with activity.

He tends to do one big surgery on Saturday, or

Two smaller ones.

Then from about 3:00 pm on he has consults scheduled.

So by the time he was done with me,

The woman from the AM FFS surgery was still in recovery in Exam Room 2,

Their was someone he was consulting with in Exam Room 1, and

The lobby had someone else waiting for him.

So Ben made room for me in the an extra room to rest up some.

I was in there a few seconds when one of the nurses came in bringing me a hamburger and tater tots from Meiers Tavern across the street.

“Dr. Z had me go pick this up for you. He said you needed it and you’d like.”

“I like !! ”

So I scarfed down a very tasty hamburger with lettuce, tomato and onion,

Vegged out for a bit,

While Dr. Z and Ben checked in on me regularly to make sure I was improving and doing okay.

About 90 minutes later I felt sufficiently capable of hitting the road,

And Dr. Z said I could leave.

I give him and Ben both a hug goodbye,

And made my way to the car,

Where I got a good look at myself,

And took this picture of the damage.

I really couldn’t …

And still can’t,

Tell if things turned out well or not.

I haven’t had much bruising at all on the nose,

But it’s way too swollen to even begin to guess if the goals were accomplished.

I have some slight bruising around my eyes,

And some scabbing in a few of the spots where I got zapped.

Follow-up care just consists of the basics …

Triple antibiotic on the areas around the eyes,

Hydrogen peroxide and triple antibiotic inside the right nostril where the incision was made,

And massaging the nose to help reduce/control swelling.

If hurts like crazy if I touch the nose,

As when massaging it,

But there really wasn’t or isn’t much pain other than that.

To date,

I still haven’t felt the need to take any Vicodin, Tylenol or the like.

As far as what were the bumps …

It didn’t appear to be anything specific or pronounced,

But in the nose region,

Even the smallest of fragments,

Can create undesired projections.

Dr. Z showed me some of the items he removed,

And it appeared to be primarily some scar tissue and small cartilage fragments,

But even after removal,

It seemed sort of difficult to tell.

Anyways,

I’m hoping that problem is solved,

And I’ll certainly let you know how things turned out after the swelling subsides.