Phone Disclosure
So …
I did a telephone Disclosure the other day.
Weird.
I hadn’t done any telephone Disclosures before …
As my preferred Disclosure method of choice is face-to-face,
But …
That’s not always possible,
So I figured,
Hey, I’m in the mood for some practice,
As I’ve got a couple of difficult phone Disclosures I have to do yet this week,
So called up a friend from my past …
To tell him my function.
Now he’s a guy that I do consider a friend …
And trust implicitly,
Despite the fact that we haven’t seen each other or talked to one another in years (minor correction on that point, we did exchange a brief “hi” in passing as we encountered one another in some offices one day, and he did see me one day while out and about – it’s just that he didn’t recognize me. ;))
Anyways …
So I cwalled him,
And we did the brief moments of “gawd, it’s great to hear from you, how are you doing” exchange-thing,
Though eventually we got down to business …
“So Joe, what’s up?”
“Need to talk with you about something.”
“Shoot.”
“Is your office door closed?”
“Yes.”
“Are you sitting down?”
“Yuhp, I’m sitting down.”
“Okay then … well here’s the scoop …”
I then jumped into an incredibly abbreviated version of my most basic Disclosure discussion.
Pretty much just covered the highlights:
I’m a transsexual, distinquished it from being a transvestite, didn’t address any confusion about how transsexualism differs from being gay, gave a quick rundown of how I got to this point and what I’m doing, then asked him to respect my privacy and not share the information just yet.
That was that,
Maybe 5 minutes.
He expressed repeatedly appreciation for me calling him to tell him,
Said of course he’d keep it confidential (he will too, he’s a vault, almost like Tiger),
That he’s glad I’m doing something to make the rest of my life satisfying,
And that he can’t imagine how hard it was for me to make this phone call to him.
We then ended the phone conversation.
Now it was really great to talk with him,
He’s a wonderful person.
And I’m glad I was able to tell him personally,
Even though it wasn’t necessarily face to face.
But I have to say …
This phone Disclosure really wasn’t satisfying.
As there is no way to gauge a reaction when you’re speaking with another attorney who is trained to react to any sort of news in a calm, non-reactive manner while saying … “okay, thank you for telling me.” (I taught him that technique by the way ! :))
Though I do know his personality,
So I know how I would expect him to react …
And I can use that to reconcile how our conversation did develop.
Now when I do that …
I’m left with two possibilities:
Either he had some huge pressures and distractions at work whereas receiving the news that a friend of yours is having a sex change doesn’t even register because he’s still concentrating on work krap …
Or,
He already knew.
It doesn’t matter either way,
He’s trustworthy regardless …
And I wanted him to know.
Yet,
If I was a betting woman,
Which I am,
I’d say he already knew. 🙂
Amy, you’re the bomb. I outed myself to my parents by e-mail, to my brothers and sister shortly after that by phone (since they’re in another state), and the few friends I have since my divorce have been mostly in person. After only 9 months of hormones, I’m still early enough that they still see the old me until my news creates a different perceptual “set” or gestalt in their minds about me. Then, suddenly they start “seeing” things they didn’t notice before or discounted to some cause other than the real reason. Unless I’m going out, I still dress pretty androgynously anyway. My electrologist said I look like her lesbian gym teacher, which was sort of a nice compliment I thought…shows I’m making progress. When I read your blog, Amy, I realize how much more I have ahead of me. Carry on with courage. You never know who’s walking in your footprints.
Bren
You’re right Greg !! Golf Snob was a phone disclosure, so was Nickname to Be Assigned Later !! I forgot about those … and now that I think about it … Dr. 169 was a phone disclosure also. Tiger was an e-mail disclosure, and I did think about him. I should of remembered Dr. 169 was a phone disclosure, because I still hear from him. I also hear from Tiger and Tiger’s Brain who nicely check in on me from time to time. The rest of the golfing butts have totally disappeared … which is really not that uncommon since we generally only had heavy e-mail exchanges during golf outing season, but still … if any of you dweebs are reading this krap, drop me an e-mail and at least say ‘hi’ sometime … seriously, my transsexualism isn’t contagious !! Thank gawd too, because Tiger would make one ugly ass girl if it was !! 🙂
Amy, I seem to faintly remember the golf snob was a phone disclosure. And that worked out fine, didn’t it?
…and yet, I am the opposite, preferring to disclose to people via written word. I told a few people in person, especially in the beginning, and it was just too hurtful to me that I stopped doing it. I figure I’ll just let them get their initial reactions out of the way, out of view of my own eyes. I think I’ve pretty much hit everyone that needed to know so I don’t think I have any potential face to face disclosures left…uhh…plus, well, I don’t look like I used to. 😛
Amy – tough call. I’ve not yet done the whole phone disclosure thing, I like to look at the whites of their eyes, watch as they loosen their neck ties, watch the body language but sometimes this just isn’t possible and you’ve got to do the phone thing. About 90% of the people I disclosed to hit the high road after I told them, others heard through the grapevine and still others called me, wanted to be my friend but I discovered (sadly) that our friendship was ephemeral. It’s difficult to say what your bud is thinking and you are at a distinct disadvantage not being able to look him straight in the face, that said, I came out to my boss in January of this year and his crusade in life is to out me any / every chance he can get. Amy honey, you just don’t know. In the words of The Doors “People are strange”.
c
Well, some people are pretty honest and straightforward about their thoughts. Maybe, just maybe he really DOESN’T have an issue with your function. If he was a bud before, and he said that, I wouldn’t count him out.
Kudos on the courage thing Amy wan…
Mak
Amy,
We all know the phone is a cold,impersonal rude device that most of the time we would like to slice it in half with a light saber. If he knew the info then I bet he appriciated the personal call. Give him some time to really process the information and things should be fine. Yea for your courage on this!
Interesting point …
And that is why you’re a Jedi Master and I’m but a mere Padawan ! 🙂
A recent study showed we lie more over the phone. Perhaps we instinctively devalue what we hear on the phone to compensate.
Amy,
i’ve only done one telephone disclosure, and I agree, it feels too cold, too distant, to me. I need to see the person’s face and to hold their hand or give them a hug; to let them see my body language so they realize how important this is to me.