Sunday Sunday

I spent a good portion of Sunday with my parents …

As it was Mother’s Day,

And had a really, really good time, 🙂

But by the end of the day,

I was emotionally drained.

You see, the topic of me came up,

Along with my upcoming surgeries.

And though Dad continued to convey his support and love,

In a calm, caring way …

It really takes a toll on me how hard this is on my parents,

How much they are hurting,

Even as they try to show that it doesn’t.

Making them happy,

Making them proud of me, and

Giving them positive feelings …

Is so important to my being.

They are the greatest parents one could ever hope to have,

And this part of the transition …

Totally sucks,

So much.

I’ve never been good at handling it when I disappoint people,

It’s my Achilles’ Heel.

And I’m really, really bad at handling it when I feel like I am disappointing people I love.

Though my parents have never even come close to suggesting they feel this way,

And if I really think about it,

I know they don’t …

I still can’t help but feel like I am at times,

All because of this.

Though I know,

That given the time,

I will make my parents …


Proud of me, and

Give them super good positive feelings about me.

But still …


In the meantime,

It sucks.

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  1. I think you kinda hit it in your second option. What you guess are their bad feelings might just be a natural result of the process. I know you would do anything to make this easy on your folks, but it might not be completely possible. My point is they wouldn’t want you to stop your progress toward a meaningful result because of your concern for their feelings. Everyone appreciates your concern for our feelings but let us share in the burden. You still have to carry the hugest portion of the load. Let us carry our little bit of it.

  2. So what are you saying …

    That I shouldn’t post my feelings here now because they might read them ?

    Or that I shouldn’t feel bad, just brush off concerns for their feelings, in an attempt to terminate the “feel bad” endless loop?

    Or that I think too much ? 🙂

    Actually, I think they know that I feel bad … but there’s nothing I can do about it, that’s just what makes me me.

  3. A, don’t you think that your folks would feel bad if they knew you felt bad because you think they feel bad? It’s kind of like pointing your video camera at the tv when it is hooked up to the tv.

  4. yes,
    in the US,
    mothers’ day is the second sunday of may…

    your parents are already proud of you,
    just confused and worried…

  5. You have wonderful parents who are trying hard to understand what you are going through. They’ll be fine as they get to know Amy more and more. All that matters to loving parents, really, is that their children are happy. As they see you grow in happiness, they will find it easier to accept and be glad of your transition.

    BTW, is Mother’s Day really May 9 in the USA? Here in the UK we have it in the middle of March!

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