Viewer Created Friday Five for April 9, 2004 – Volume I

Thank you … thank you … thank you !!! The response to my request for some Viewer Created Friday Five has overwhelmed me ! So sweet. Thank you very much !!!! 🙂

I’ll answer many of them now … in a series of three Volumes (yeah, sorta a knockoff from the Kill Bill series) and then use the unused ones as back-ups for later days !! However, a few of the queries are sooooo phreakin’ involved, they’re going to become posts of their own … you can blame Marcia, Andrea and Chris for that ! 🙂

Anyways … on with the show !

1. If you could have anything you wanted, but it only lasted for five minutes, what would it be?

Wow !!! That’s a great question, though it’s phreaking hard to answer !!

I’ve been trying to think about what I would ask for … and I’m really not sure how I would phrase it, because I think it would be something that could change over time … and I don’t want to box myself in to an answer.

I guess the best way for me to say it is that I would ask for the opportunity to have 5 minutes for a final goodbye with a loved one.

I think who I’d pick could change over time …

I’ve been fortunate so far in my life in that I really haven’t had to experience much death in my life to date … I’ve lost all of my grandparents and two uncles (here’s some Amy-trivia, both of my uncles that have passed away were my Uncle Jim.) I was much closer with my dad’s brother than my mom’s brother, but I was very comfortable with both. Both were amazing men. My mom’s parents both passed away with I was much younger, so I really didn’t get a chance to know either really well. I was very close with my dad’s parents, my paternal grandfather and I shared the same first name (along with my dad) and he and I would sit around for hours, doing shots of whiskey and beer chasers while he would tell me stories of my family history. My grandmother was a phreakin’ genius and the nicest, sweetest grandmother ever … she spoiled me rotten … even after I had graduated from law school, she still make sure she had some of her homemade chicken soup ready for me whenever I was coming over along with my choice of Hawaiian Punch or Faygo Orange … mmmmmm. 🙂 So each of those would certainly be candidates for my 5 minutes.

However, as I age I might lose more family members and friends before I disappear myself, in which case …

They might be the person whom I’d like to say a final farewell.

On the other hand, I do consider my life a situation where Joe Hairdy has passed … and as life progresses, depending on how people react and accept to my new life …

I might just ask for a five final minutes with a loved one as Joe before they ever became aware of what direction my life was going to take.

2. Where’s Shaft and his column?

I’ve seen Shaft a total of 3 hours, 46 minutes and 21 seconds since our return from my face whacking … and 3 hours, 14 minutes, 9 seconds of that time was on one occasion when he took me to lunch and a movie.

It’s really been sad and I certainly miss his company, but I knew it was going to transpire this way when both of us made some fairly substantive decisions in our lives … me having a sex change, Shaft having another child.

Whereas I used to talk with him on the phone 1/2 dozen times a day … now it’s maybe once every three or four days.

We still see each other at work on occasion, but we converse much less than one would ever imagine considering our offices are right next to one another …

Sometimes nothing more than a “hi” is muttered and more often than not I can’t even squeeze a “see ya” out of him … yeah, yeah, yeah … he’s always in a hurry, no time to utter “see ya” ! 🙂

Understand though, this is only and soley because he has no time in his life for me at this point.

It has nothing to do with my transsexualism.

I accept and the world can see that while Shaft is a dedicated, loving, committed father,

He’s also a dedicated, loving, committed mother.

Shaft does it all … covers the kids when they are sick, takes them to the doctor, goes on field trips, gets them ready in the morning AND he cleans bathrooms along with vacuuming !! 🙂

Whereas in many relationships, it’s the mother that finds herself responsible with more of the child rearing responsibilities … that’s not the case here.

In this setting, Shaft not only does the father’s fun tasks of playing with the kids and occasionally babysitting, he does practically all of the rearing tasks too.

So with Baby Shaft still in his infancy stage and needing much, much more attention and care than when he gets older …

Shaft’s workday is frequently interrupted with his dad responsibilities that he willingly and happily undertakes.

Not to mention, Shaft continues to live vicariously through his oldest son’s (Sven) hockey …

Shaft is one of those yelling, screaming hockey dads.

Anyways, in a hockey season that lasts longer than bowling season,

Sven plays on a regional travel hocket team … meaning most weekends of the year they are traveling anywhere from Chicago to Ft. Wayne so Sven can play in hockey tournaments and Shaft can pretend it is really he on the ice.

Usually Shaft leaves on Fridays and doesn’t return until Sunday …

So that leaves him cramming on Thursday at work with his Monday totally blown too.

So with me not being around as often … we’ll go days/weeks without even seeing one another.

Like I said … it sucks. But it really wouldn’t be much different even if I wasn’t doing the chick thing … it’s just a by-product of fatherhood/motherhood.

The only reason it didn’t happen this way when Sven was born was because Shaft and I were still in law school.

Things won’t be back to like there were for a long, long time … and that’s assuming we both live beyond 60,

But they will improve sooner than later. 🙂

This is just a period of change and we both know that under any case or circumstance … we still totally always have one another’s back.

As far as his column, I’m not sure if he’s received any Ask Shaft questions of late. He might have and just not told me or maybe people just haven’t asked him any questions lately. So even though his posting here has diminished substantially, he still pops in from time to time … I think that if people wanted to ask him any questions about life in general or what’s it like to have a friend who is having a sex change …

He’d still find the time to answer it, especially if I kicked him in the ass.

On a side note, Shaft is currently up to 291 lbs. At the father/son hockey game … they stuck him at goalie … go figure. They also lost three slapshots in his belly.

3. When did you first cry as a girl, and why? Who was the first person to see you cry as a girl? What movie makes you tear up every time you see it? What last joke was told to you that made you cry? (I’m answering all of these questions together since they concern me and crying.)

Hmmmmmm … that sort of depends on when you say I was/became a girl.

Was it after I started taking hormones?

Was it after someone became aware of my function?

Was it when I was spending time with them in chica mode?

Now when I was in serious denial and totally doing the guy thing … I simply did NOT cry …

The last time I cried before I started hormones was November 30, 1971 … the original airdate for Brian’s Song,

But come on … what guy doesn’t tear up during Brian’s Song?

After I started hormones, I’m guessing after three months or so into it, maybe a bit more … my body started reacting to suddenly becoming feeling enabled. 🙂

I could and would find myself crying for pretty much any odd reason, but I kept it well hidden, not letting anyone see me crying.

Mainly I just get really watery, teared up eyes … enough to see my eyes are wet, cause the mascara to run or leave a tear streak down one’s face … most people really would not know I’m crying even if I’m sort of doing it around others. It’s just not that noticeable.

I’m really not sure that many or any actually saw me crying before learning of my function.

Now after learning of my function and since I’ve been on hormones,

I know my parents have seen me cry, along with my brother, on one occasion. My parents also saw me cry when Leia passed away.

Other than that,

I’m sure Singer and Hottie have both seen me cry at some point.

Now all of those were after hormones and after disclosure,

But with me tearing up while still presenting as boy.

As far as seeing me cry with me presenting as me, again, I just don’t cry around people. I do my crying privately in parking lots or while wondering around alone in the woods in the middle of the night.

Though if anyone has seen me crying, it would have to be Singer. She’s the poor soul who usally gets stuck hearing me dump, rant and roll when I’m struggling with my transition krap. I really don’t think she’s seen me cry, but who knows.

Now I mainly tear up when I’m really happy and since I’ve been on hormones,

I’ve found myself tearing up to joys of happiness quite a bit.

Personally, I think it’s a really kewl reason to cry and I’m completely comfortable with it !! 🙂

The one movie that I will always tear up when watching is during Apollo 13 …

Near the end of the movie …

You’re waiting to see if the capsule survives re-entry …

And it’s been over 4 minutes of radio silence, when they should have regained communication after 3 minutes …

And suddenly you see the capsule and parachute on the screen …

You know they are safe.

I cry every, single time now at that point in the movie … most recently last Saturday when it was on television again. 🙂

As far as the last joke I heard that made me laugh so hard I cried, I can’t remember the joke … either Singer, Hottie, Sister or Miss Daisy will have to remember what had me laughing so hard (ahhhh, scratch that, like Sister or Miss Daisy ever remember anything from Wednesday nights !! :)). It was two weeks ago, I think it was a Singer/Hottie one-two punch delivery … all I remember was trying to say a follow-up and I couldn’t because I was laughing too hard and had to wipe the tears from my eyes.

4. If you could travel back in time to meet your childhood self, what would
you say to him?

I guess my first concern would be whether or not if I told myself anything …

I would somehow screw up my future, my timeline or the time/space continuum somehow.

That wouldn’t be good.

Because despite the struggle some of the things have been that I’ve had to endure because of my transsexualism …

One thing that is very apparent is that I’ve got the best collection of friends and family that anyone could hope to have …

And I wouldn’t want to do anything that would jeopardize that.

Now I am one of those people that believes everything happens for a reason.

Everything is connected to something else …

Someone else …

Somehow and for some reason.

So in my mind, part of me having the great friends I have now is also driven because I was a transsexual all along …

For reasons to which we were all oblivious.

Now with that being said …

I am also of the opinion that through the quirkiness of the world,

And oddness in the way timelines flow …

I would have substantially the same friends or same people in my life,

Regardless of what I had done in the past.

So as long as I really couldn’t screw anything up by telling myself something,

I’d tell myself what everyone probably thinks I’d tell myself …

You’re a transsexual, it’s not going to go away, accept it and transition while you’re in college.

Why would I tell myself that?

Well, besides the fact that if this is the best course for me, I’d have just liked to get it done years ago,

Also because the most frequent comment that I’ve received from people once they are told my function …

Is one that was either offered to discourage me from transitioning or to convey a sense of doubt about the timing of it,

And that is …

You are soooo phreakin’ old.

Why did you wait so long?

You are so late in your life already, will it really be worth it?

I’d be curious to see if I had transitioned when I was younger whether or not I’d have been told …

You’re too young to know that yet … it’s a phase, you’ll grow out of it.

Just try to stick it out as a man a bit longer.

Who knows, maybe I’d have been told …

Good thing you’re doing it now and not waiting until you’re soooo phreaking old ! 🙂

5. How come you haven’t shown us any before pictures yet?

Whatever. Here’s a picture of me from before.

In reviewing the picture, please note …

1.) That I was a loyal Michigan fan sporting the school colors even then (Maize and Blue);

2.) My incredibly manly, man chest that I had; and,

3.) That I am a natural blonde with a history of a hair mop-age !! 🙂

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  1. that is a cute picture!

    meanwhile, yes, the single best thing about estrogen is how readily i can cry; although the breasts and curves and soft skin are all good, too…

    good questions and good answers!

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