Amy Night Out

Reason No. 43,207 of Things That Suck About Being A Transsexual Who Is Trying to Blend Into Society …

Is that anyone who knows Joe,

Who knows my past …

Still sees Joe whenever they see me.

I’m honestly not sure if that will ever cease to be the case.

Maybe time will change that … but if it doesn’t,

There’s really nothing I can do about it.

Regardless,

It sucks.

So in response to this suckness factor …

As a means of survival,

I came up with a way to give myself a needed replenishment of …

Confidence,

Ego-boosting, and

Normalness.

The Amy Night Out.

A night where I go out solo or with friends who have only known me as Amy-Wan Kenobi.

You see, sometimes the validation one gets from those unaware of your function is soooo rejuvenating that it’s almost addictive.

Well … it is addictive.

And when I go out into the world and interact with people who take me as I appear,

There is none of that reflection of Joe in their eyes.

Which is so nice.

I’m allowed to just be myself,

Without the baggage of my past.

Now that’s not saying that I don’t like hanging out with my friends.

Obviously, I do …

Almost all of them are the best !! 🙂

It truly means the world to me when I’m able to spend time with my friends.

But, just as with everytime they see me,

They are reminded I’m ts.

Everytime I see them,

I see the look in their eyes and …

Am reminded I’m ts.

And sometimes it’s just nice for all of us not to be reminded of it.

Usually I do an Amy Night Out in the company of friends in other cities,

But there have been occasions where I’ve implemented such locally.

And last night I did.

Sorta a last minute decisiooooon. 🙂

Now with the exception of a very scary moment at a gas station,

Which had nothing to do with my function,

And all to do with being a single female in a less than safe part of the city,

I had a great time …

And received some well needed validation ! Woo hoooooo !! 🙂

Oh yeah, and U Conn won, which means I’m outta the basketball pool. Krap, I had Duke all the way. Oh well. *shrug*