Golfing Challenges

So … everyone’s favorite avoider (yeah … that’d be me !! :P),

Finds herself in a situatioooon were she just can’t do much more avoiding …

Especially in response to this e-mail received from my golfing buddies:

JOE HAIRDY – RESPOND TO THIS MESSAGE

We’ve had no objections to 7/16. Our leader, Mr. Still Owes Joe Hairdy Money From Last Year needs to know if that’s the date so he can plan accordingly. Mr. Hairdy, we haven’t seen a confirmation from you that the date’s OK. As a matter of fact we haven’t heard from you in some time – I hope you haven’t been killed by one of your clients.

Let’s get this thing done.

Great … that’s all I needed, something else on this week’s bulging to-do list.

Anyways … I asked Shaft if he thought I was avoiding if I just said I couldn’t go, without going into the full details yet. See if I could get away with that as an answer for a couple of weeks.

He said he thought it was okay … that there’s a difference between avoiding hard discussions with family and close friends … and delaying discussions with friends who are once a year golf buddies … especially ones such as our group that openly rate body parts I have or will soon have … so with that being said, and despite the fact that I know I’m not going to be able to dodge the issue much longer …

I punched out the following reply:

Hey all …

I’m bummed that we’re finally looking at a new set of courses and I’m not going to be able to play this year. And I’ve got a really good excuse too … no, no, no … it doesn’t involve being pursued by any former clients or the Feds inquiring about some missing evidence … but still, it’s a really good excuse. However, since it is a rather untested excuse, I’m going to use Coffee’s annual reason, which clearly works … His wife won’t let me.

On a side note … I am sincerely bummed … they are playing some great northern courses this year that we’ve never played before.

And it will be my first time ever missing the annual event …

And those guys are a total riot with which to hang out …

And I’m owed money from last year.

Barnaky? Barnaky? … He owes me money !!

Oh well, we’ll just have to wait and see what transpires. 🙂

UPDATE:

Wanna read of some of the follow-up? Then

Here are segments from the group list e-mails that immediately followed:

Joe, what is this great excuse? Does it involve a trip to SF or MA?

Joe – Is your summer just too booked-up? You can’t be that popular.

Sorry to hear about Joe. I can’t believe Coffee’s wife is so mean.

Joe – Coffee says his wife is letting him go now. Is she letting you?

My response to the group list:

LOL Are you kidding ??

I haven’t been so popular as to book up a whole summer since …. well, let’s face it, I’ve never been that popular !! *shrug*

And no … I’m not going to SF or MASS … not that there’s anything wrong with it ! 🙂 (Seinfeld)

Actually, I’m on a summer long mission to find a new Oldsmobile dealership. They all seem to be closed, do any of you GM guys know what’s going on?

The following is a personal e-mail exchange that transpired between myself and one of my closest friends in the group:

Coffee: Hey Joe, why aren’t you going? As you can see, this message is offline.

Joe:

Coffee …

I appreciate you sending this to me off-line. Unfortuately for you, you’ve been on my list of people to tell, I’m not crazy about doing it via e-mail, but oh well … here goes.

It’s something that is personal and private …

And isn’t for public knowledge yet, so I’m still trying to maintain the confidentiality of the information. I would greatly appreciate it if you could keep this between yourself and your wife for now.

Make sure you’re sitting down …

Ready ??

I’m going to start living fulltime as a woman. Yeah, I’m a transsexual (not the transvestite that gets into wearing women’s clothes, but a transsexual, the one that has a sex change.) I’ve been pretty much spending most of my time in girl mode except for work for the past several months. I’ve had a fairly extensive set of surgical procedures done to my face already, lots of cutting to make some minor, subtle changes … and will be fulltime in the female role by the time the golf outting rolls around. I’d love to golf with them, but in light of my changes, I’m not sure they’d really want me there. Which is why I’m not going to be there … and which is why … it was just easier for me to say your wife wouldn’t let me ! 🙂

I’ll be glad to talk with you and your wife extensively about it if you have any questions, but for now, again, I’d appreciate it if you didn’t pass the information along to anyone. Not so much for me, but for my parents and co-workers as we’re wrapping a few things up here.

Thanks Coffee. 🙂

Joe

Coffee: Are you serious or just pulling my leg?

Joe: I’m serious Coffee. Call me if you want.

Coffee: That is news. I just got a new job. That pales in comparison.

Joe: Wooo hoooo !!! Congrats on the new job Coffee !! You don’t have to move, do you? Hey wait, my news pales in comparison to your news? Damn, you always have to one up me, don’t you !?! 🙂

Coffee called me a short bit later … and starts in with the following:

Coffee: So there I am, innocently sitting at my desk, really not working because, well … I just got a new job. So I was reading the e-mail banter from the group … and I notice that you can’t make it this year.That’s odd. You have no life, everyone knows that, you always make it. So I send you a private e-mailing asking why? We’re close enough, I figured I had the right to inquire. And what do I get in response … well, let me just say this Joe … you floored me !! ROFLMAO LOL

Anyways … we had a totally kewl telephone conversation … he was shocked, he asked the basic questions, knew most of the answers … and we just laughed about things in general and just doing the same old talk we’ve always done. Sweet.

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8 Comments

  1. I’ll bring you the list of courses to bwowling on Wednesday night, they are a set I think up by your alma mater … they definitely need a replacement for me and I can’t imagine you wouldn’t be their choice over Shaft, who to this day is referred to as “Shaft, He Wasn’t As Funny As You Said”. LOL Do you still have a bruise from The Annoying One’s driving by beaning ??

  2. 1)At that time in my life, the 18th hole was another prime example of my inability to “close the deal”.

    2)At the time of my chunk shot into the pond on 18, I must have had the vision of Joe Hairdy’s untamed, morning hair pop into my head….YIKES!!!

    3)What I know now…I feel bad that I couldn’t help Amy win the coveted title, before her retirement from the invitational.

    4)What courses are they playing? Since you’re not playing, I assume there’s an opening? I think I would be preferred over Shaft! As long as “The Annoying One” isn’t playing…I’M IN!!! For some reason, I don’t feel like getting blasted in the ribs again by his sandtrap explosion shot. It still smarts! :-p

  3. Yeah … I suspect that some would think it’s a joke. It’s all in the delivery … and honestly, it’s not beneath me to dork with them a bit in that sense !! 🙂

    Actually, I do think Coffee will keep the secret. He’s very good at keeping secrets. Too good sometimes. Especially when I’m trying to get something out of him.

    Well, as far as that group of friends go, the golf outting is a guys-only event … we do things collectively with both the boys and girls, football tailgates, get togethers … but golf, belongs to the boys.

    Doesn’t mean I wouldn’t go if invited, but means I totally understand why I wouldn’t be, has nothing to do with being a transsexual, has everything to do with being a girl ! 🙂

  4. I was LMAO just reading your account of this! Talk about “out of the blue”!. I would venture to bet that every ONe of those guys will react as if this is a joke or something. Total jokester that you are, they will just crack up at first…
    You don’t really expect him to keep a lid on this, do you!

    Then…Coffee will get serious with them. ” No man, its TRUE…the effin guy is getting a friggin SEX change!!!” “No! I’m dead serious”!

    You should still play. Woman play golf all the time. If you enjoy it, PLAY!

    Jest ma humble o-pin-yun!

    Makenna

  5. Just for the record … this is the golf outting that two years ago Hottie carried me for 17 holes … we had the championship in the grasp of our hands … until the 18th hole … and the phreakin’ island green … and my inability to execute on one single shot the entire round.

    And then that very afternoon … I played quite well … musta just been the nerves from being around Hottie in the morning round … even back then !! lol

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