Movie Review – The Passion of The Christ

So … a few weeks ago I told someone my function. And though it wasn’t like a “I Never Desire To Talk To You Again” type response … it was somewhat of a “You Can Be Saved” type of reaction. About a week ago … she began pestering me major league to go see the new Mel Gisbon movie, The Passion of The Christ, because … ya know … I’d want to be saved afterwards and might just stop this whole transsexual nonsense. At least that’s the impression I was getting. Unfortunately, I found The Passion of The Informed to be very strong … and despite avoiding, declining, making it clear I didn’t want to go … my indifference was not strong enough and I found myself forced to go.

Yet to accommodate my lack of interest in going, she agreed to go to my favorite theatre. Since apparently there are a lot of people who wanted to see the movie … I got there about 2 hours before the show to purchase the tickets. Though at the time I was there, seeing how there weren’t many people at the ticket counter, I decided to test out a couple of my pre-viewing jokes about the movie on the ticket seller dude … “He wouldn’t have been in that mess if he hadn’t lost his light saber again” … got a nice laugh outta him … and the obvious spin on the dialogue between Peter and Jesus after Jesus dropped his cross on Peter’s toe (with Peter yelling “Jesus Christ“) got a shaking his head side to side laugh and “lady, you’re going to go to hell” smile.

I then went to meet my friend for a few pre-viewing drinks … I had never been to that particular sports bar before … but found it moderately acceptable … the boy to girl ratio was great … it was packed and there were hardly any other girls in the bar … just like shooting fish in a barrel ! 🙂 Anyways … despite being bi when it comes to my beer orientation (a description recently coined while in the bar with The UnUsual Suspects … our waitress inadvertantly brought a Bud Light for Sister when she also brought me a Coors Light; however, Sister, who normally drinks Bud Light, had wanted a Black and Tan on this occasion. Singer needed another, but she drinks Coors Light … the obvious solution was stated eloquently by Singer … “Amy’s beer bi, she’ll drink Bud Light or Coors Light, give her Sister’s Bud Light, I’ll take Amy’s Coors Light and you can pour Sister a Black and Tan.” Simple.) … I ordered myself a Coors Light and located my friend. We just talked and gabbed while enjoying a few beers. Easy talk and she provided the requisitement affirmation by commenting on my Luckys … “Wow, your ass really does look great in those jeans.” Well that’s my motto … when going to be saved, make sure your butt looks good.

We got to the theatre in plenty of time and it wasn’t as nearly packed as expected … so we quickly obtained two ideal, aisle seats. I went back to get my dinner … a Frozen Mountain Dew and popcorn … and as luck would have it had my favorite concession counter boy waiting on me … I’d say he’s about 18, tall, black, short hair, slim and has a disarming smile …

“The usual, Miss?”

“Yes, thanks. But I need it to go … and quick.”

*anxiously looking side to side*

“Just kidding !” 🙂

As far as the movie goes … it is was visually intense. Sets and lighting conveyed an ominous sense … passion. I certainly think one felt a passion from the director in making this movie and a passion from the actors in their presentation. It was graphically very violent … lots of beating up on, whipping of … The Christ. Open wounds, blood and torn flesh was clearly and repeatedly seen. I also think that all the actors brought their A-game to the movie. Every character was played very, very well. But after all was said and done … the movie just didn’t really grab my interest.

Why ?? Well …

At first, I thought maybe it was because I know how it ends … psst … he dies. But heck, I knew that the Titanic sunk, and I still really liked that movie … so just knowing the ending couldn’t be it.

Then I thought, maybe it was because it was subtitled. But I can read, so the subtitles really weren’t that challenging. Besides, they really didn’t play too much of a role … the dialogue, though not sparse, was certainly not excessive … and wasn’t rushed … you weren’t hurried in reading the subtitles. Plenty of time to read even for lip movers.

Then I wondered, was I bringing an attitude to the movie, partly because of the religous theme and partly because I really didn’t want to go? But no … I wasn’t. I loved The Life of Brian … and that was about Jesus, kinda. 🙂 And seriously, I’m definitely not anti-religion … I just happen to be Jedi … I still like learning of other faiths and don’t discredit them. Mock them, yes. Discredit them, no. Faith is good. And as far as the whole forced to go thing goes, anticipated salvation and that like … I was very much over that. I really wanted to see a good, enjoyable movie.

No … it wasn’t any of that … it was simply this.

The movie was …

Boring.

That’s it.

Boring.

Simply Boring.

The same thing repeated time and time again.

Whipping.

Striking.

Walking.

Repeat.

Whipping.

Striking.

Walking.

Repeat.

I tired during the scenes carrying the cross as they were so long … prolonged.

That’s all there was to it …

I was simply bored.

Get the message ??

Apparently redundancy equates to passion.

It’s not about the message, it’s not about the purpose, it’s not about anything other than the fact that …

I checked the time a mere 40 minutes into the movie.

So … if the message and theme of the movie can carry you, if you can gleam a greater interest in the movie from the conveyance of that, rather than just relying on the storyline … then I’d say it’s a must see in the theatre, on the big screen. The setting, scenes and visuals are stunning. However, absent that … I won’t even recommend it for a rental unless you are in your final days and scrambling for just anything positive to say about your life come judgment time … “You know God, I once saw a movie about your son.” *shrug* Hey, it couldn’t hurt. Final rating … 3 out of 10.

EPILOGUE: Miss Daisy saw the phlick last Thursday and said it was probably one of the top 5 movies he’s ever seen. He also said that since he liked it, I probably wouldn’t because I seem to like movies that people don’t like and dislike movies people like … specifically referencing my Elf review. So … with that qualifier … if you see this movie, please leave a comment stating whether you liked it or not … I don’t care if you prove Miss Daisy’s postulate … I’m just curious if we need to start putting a disclaimer on my reviews !! 🙂