History Comes In Handy

“I’d have more of a problem with this if we didn’t have some history.”

It was the first time that was ever blatantly said to me … to my face … even though I’m sure it’s been felt and thought about by every person in my life.

But this time, it sort of caught me off guard.

And the fact that the same phrase was repeated a couple of more times … suggested to me that the speaker, though not consciously having a problem with it because of our history, was unconsciously still struggling with it in some ways.

I felt like a freak for a few minutes each time after it was mentioned.

Now don’t get me wrong, the speaker didn’t say it maliciously, harshly or with any sort of inflammatory tension … in fact, he’s about as laid back a person one could ever encounter … if anything, he said it in a very matter-of-fact way with a few sprinkles of compassion.

But still …

The words themselves did make me feel like an oddity for a bit.

That as a transsexual … I am seriously, seriously different.

It was reaffirming to me what I know so well …

There are a lot of good, nice people out there in the world, just like the speaker who uttered the phrase above …

And though I know a lot of those good, nice people,

And can bring my history with them to give me at least a benefit of doubt … get them to give me a chance …

There are a lot more of those good, nice people in the world that I don’t know …

… who will have a problem with me because we have no history.

It surprised me how strange I felt hearing those words …

I’d have thought by now, I’d have been numb to most of the comments, reactions, looks, words …

But apparently, I’m not.

Oh well.