The GNO

They all have known …

First Singer,

Then Hottie,

Followed by Sister, and

Miss Daisy …

That I’m a transsexual.

And they’ve been the best and most supportive of friends throughout.

But … only Miss Daisy had ever met me in person.

Of sure, they’ve seen pictures, talked me through challenging times, educated themselves and visit AmyNews.com …

But they’ve never seen me in real life.

Why hadn’t they seen me ??

Well, obviously because of me …

It had been my goal throughout this process that I wasn’t going to go switching back and forth on people … that once they saw me as Amy that was how they were going to see me from then on out … switching back and forth does little to help them re-write their gender perception of me … if done too much … I won’t be Joe or Amy in their mind … I’ll be a combination of both … and that’s not good.

So I was sort of customizing my “start” date by person … people I see less frequent would see me first … because the likelihood of them seeing me not in girl mode afterwards was slim …

The people I see most would see me last … beause at that point … I’d have to be pretty darn near fulltime or fulltime if I was going to avoid switching between presentations on them.

In practice, I’ve found that goal rather challenging to implement, but I’ve done a fairly decent job of making it work … my only exceptions to date have been with Miss Daisy who saw me before, but has continued to see me in boy on Wednesday night bowling and will on one other occasion for a project he’s helping me out with … and though Ex and Morrie haven’t seen me in boy since first meeting me, there will be a couple of situatioooons where they might have to see me in boy over the next few weeks.

So I had been delaying seeing The UnUsual Suspects … because I had that whole Wednesday night bowling issue … and since we’ve all agreed that me showing up as Amy would NOT be a good thing to do … If I was going to see them before April (bowling ends), I was stuck with the choice of either stop hanging out on Wednesday night with them or deviating from my rule guideline.

At one point, I had totally decided that I was going to stop bowling … that when we finished bowling the week before Christmas, it was my last Wednesday night with them … unless I was able to rejoin them next year …

But over the holidays … the check-ins, e-mails, and text messages initiated from The UnUsuals certainly made me begin to re-think that decision … question it …

Which was really an easy thing for me to question … as I hated the idea of not hanging out with them.

I’m not sure you can really point to one thing that any of them did … totally without their knowledge of the impact this had on the decision I made … that led me to decide to continue my involvement in the Wednesday night thing …

Sister’s short and sweet e-mails checking on me …

Miss Daisy’s e-mails and inquiries on me during the holidays …

Hottie’s impeccably timed “Happy New Year Amy” text message shortly after midnight on New Year’s …

Singer smothering me with attention and good feelings once the holidays were concluded …

In fact, it’s more accurate to state that it required each of them doing exactly what they each did to change my mind …

(Right now, there’s a flurry of e-mail activity amongst The UnUsuals along the lines of “You dolt !!! If you hadn’t sent that text message, we’d be rid of her by now” … “Like you can talk, what’s the deal giving her a hug, you know she’s a sentimental weakling for that stuff !” … “Shut up, it’s not like I was the one that sent her a Christmas card, I thought we agreed not to include her on the list this year !!” … “Pipe down, I had an extra card, so what, the envelope didn’t even fit the card, besides, it’s not like I was the one telling her she was cute !” 🙂 LOL)

Soooooo … I changed my mind and decided to continue bowling … and they have no one to blame but themselves !! 🙂

But that left me with the whole … what do I do now? … Break the rule guideline and let them see me anyways knowing that they would continue to see me on Wednesday nights in boymode until bowling is over …

Or just delay letting them see me at all.

Well … I really didn’t have to make a decision …

As once I got the e-mail from Singer saying that her and Sister were coordinating a GNO for my attendance …

The decision was made …

And I knew it would be the right decision, ’cause Singer is much better at making decisions than me … so

Hell yeah I’d let them see me !!!!

I could barely contain my happiness !!

And then it got even better …

As Miss Daisy and Hottie became attendees !!

Singer and Sister decided on the venue … which was not an easy decision … it’s not like we live in a small community by any means … but we wanted to go someplace that had some sort of atmosphere and where there was a fairly decent likelihood that we wouldn’t run into someone any of us knew …

Now believe it or not … each of us has actually been in a bar before … I know, I know … that’s hard to believe … 🙂

And as I’ve mentioned before … but for our friendship … there is not a great deal of overlap in our social circles … so after all is said an done … between us, we cover the spectrum of drinking establishments …

Singer and Hottie have all of the popular, hot spots covered along with most of the sports bars …

Sister has the outlying bars covered …

Miss Daisy has, well, he has every bar in the state covered …

And I have pretty much every chain-type establishment covered …

Which means … it did require some thought.

Singer and Sister decided that we’d start out at the lounge at the airport Hilton … it was a nice, presentable … low key atmosphere … and someplace we didn’t expect to run into anyone we knew …

Of course … Singer, Sister and Miss Daisy all knew someone there during the course of the night … oh well !! 🙂

So here was the plan …

Miss Daisy was going to get there right around 5:00 pm and meet up with Sister who was going there gayfully forward (that’s how MD likes us to refer to going “straight” 🙂 ) from work. Singer was set to arrive between 5:30 pm and 6:00 pm and Hottie was due to arrive around 6:30ish …

Me? … Well, I was going to get there between 6:00 and 6:30 … but I encountered some serious top indecision …. which resulted in a last minute change, then another last minute change, then another last minute change, then another last minute change, and finally another last minute going with a safe choice … as a result, I didn’t get there until about 7:15 pm.

Fortunately, The UnUsual Suspects were being fed beer and didn’t seem too bothered by my tardiness …

Now … concerned that I might be experiencing another case of the backout nerves that I endured when going with Miss Daisy to Mamma Mia! … MD tossed me a couple of anxiety deluting text messages received while I was getting ready … “I’m ready to drink” and “Wear the berry lipgloss !!” 🙂 …

Singer called me a couple of times to keep me on track …

And Sister made sure I knew to call if I wanted Miss Daisy to meet me in the parking lot to walk with me back into the bar.

I really didn’t have any pre-GNO anxiety … more frustrated with my inability to find a top that I liked …

I had already hung out with and had a great time with Miss Daisy, so seeing him again was totally NBD and something to which I was really looking forward …

Sister has so conditioned herself to think of me in the Amy role that just being me in front of her would be a relief … as sometimes I get the feeling when she sees me in boy mode she finds my boy presentation so amusing that she can’t help but smirk (which is actually a pretty kewl smirk and makes me laugh :)) …

Hottie … well, remember … he’s Mr. Poker Face … so even if he wanted to yell and scream in fright upon seeing me … I’m not even sure he’d blink until I was out of ear shot, besides, he’s been so sweet and understanding … I actually feel that he’s somewhat protective of me … so I really wasn’t the least bit nervous about seeing him …

And Singer, well … if I was nervous about seeing anyone, it would have been her … her opinion is very important to me … but as usual, she handled me very well and tenderly … keeping me from phreaking out with her funny e-mails and witty voicemails 🙂 …

Well … let’s say they all kept me from phreaking out until I was in the parking lot … and then for some odd, dysfunctional reason … the thought of running into Singer and Sister in the ladies room popped in my mind and completely threw me for a loop … and then for about another 10 minutes or so all the sorts of things that pop in your mind when you’re about to go and meet some of your closest friends for the first time in girl mode … popped into my mind.

Fortunately … as part of this whole process … I’ve developed a fairly large “ahhhh, what the phuck” gland … and was soon making my way through the doors of the restaurant in the airport Hilton …

I walked into the bar and there they were … The UnUsual Suspects … well, four of them anyways, I wasn’t quite at their table yet …

As I approached the table … I was totally at ease … completely.

I don’t remember who I saw first … but each of their looks are etched in my mind … there were smiles all the way around !!

I’m sure they were nervous, but they really didn’t let it on to me …

I wasn’t nervous, but I was a bit reserved for the first several minutes … as I was just trying to read how they were handling things … but it wasn’t long before we started to move things along …

I was informed that prior to my arrival they decided that henceforth … in The UnUsual Suspect dictionary … GNO stands for Gender Night Out,

And that for some reason the waitress working our table really didn’t like us. (Which is odd, because believe it or not, most waitresses that get the pleasure of waiting our table love us !!! Just for the record … the waitress was a total bitch. Hottie finalized the bill, but I’m hoping tipped her light.)

I had a really great time … totally nice and relaxing … plenty of laughs … and I was completely comfortable.

I have no idea how it was for the rest of them, but nothing led me to believe it was too awkward for them and they all made me feel totally great about being there !! 🙂

We were a bit more subdued compared to typical UnUsual Suspect manner … but that was probably a combination of just the uniqueness and dynamics of the meeting plus maybe we were still a bit tired from our activities two days prior …

But we downed plenty of beers (Miss Daisy’s count was 14 alone) … and I think they were comfortable enough in my presentation that we were openly talking about bowling together next year someplace different … woo hoo !! 🙂

We weren’t restrained in our conversations … something about alcohol tends to make one talk louder for some reason … and two guys eavesdropped enough on our conversations to figure out that there was something unique about me … whatever … we were having too much fun to care !! 🙂

Unfortunately … way too early in the evening … like midnight or so 🙂 … Sister and Miss Daisy had to hit the road … I wish they could have stayed out longer as it was just so much fun being myself and with them …

Afterwards Singer, Hottie and myself decided to hit another hotel bar down the road for a couple of night caps … where there was a fairly decent band playing …

It wasn’t long before some guy walked up and asked Singer to dance … which she tenderly declined … and which I totally found amusing …

Nooooo … I wasn’t the least bit bothered that the lounge lizards found Singer more attractive than me … I’m totally comfortable with that … she’s phreakin’ gorgeous …

Besides, I had a totally different rationalization in my mind …

I figure the only reason that the guy asked Singer to dance instead of me was because he figured I was with Hottie and she was the available one !!!

Hey … a girl’s gotta have a delusion or two, don’t ya think !!!! 🙂

Anyways … we stayed there through last call and then called it a night …

A hug from Hottie … a hug from Singer … and the night was complete.

(I had previously received my requisite hugs from Sister and Miss Daisy when they left the first bar 🙂 … )

It was good for me … and totally true to form in my experiences to date … within 5-10 minutes … I totally forgot I was in any mode … I was just being me. It’s amazing how much fun life is when you’re just being yourself ! 🙂

But me being myself is much harder for those that I’m with … because they are reminded that something is different each and every time they look at me … constantly throughout the evening … but not once … did any of them make me feel the least bit uncomfortable. If anything, their behavior was as if nothing was different … and that made me feel totally normal.

But you want to know what has still left me speechless about the night ?? It was how Singer, Hottie, Sister and Miss Daisy paid such close attention to proper pronoun and name usage … honest to gawd, I am sooo touched by how hard they worked on it to be so totally perfect … they all used pronouns and my name in reference to me frequently throughout the night … and they were so flawless at it that it honestly caught me off guard a few times how natural their reference to me as “she, her, Amy” sounded … I can’t overstate how much that gesture alone has touched me.

It was a great night for me … and I hope it was good for them too.

Thank you Singer. 🙂

Thank you Hottie. 🙂

Thank you Sister. 🙂

Thank you Miss Daisy. 🙂