Friday Five for January 30, 2004

Hmmmm … it’s not a bad questioooooon, though I really thought I’ve answer it before … so this could be a repeat. Eeeeek ! I hope my answers are consistent !! 🙂

Okay … we’re going to assume a few things with this question. One, it’s a million dollars gross that I won, so after taxes, let’s just say I’m really working with about $650,000; two, I get the money in one lump sum; and, three, I’m really not complaining about the amount, but $1,000,000.00 really doesn’t go far with my plans if I was wealthy … I’d much prefer a starting point of around $30,000,000.00.

You have just won one million dollars:

1. Who do you call first? My brother, otherwise known as Bro. We’ve talked about it since we were both puppies ! 🙂 Back in the old days, there was this what I think was an Urban Legend, that if you won the lottery, in addition to being really paid out over time, like 20 years, it was only a payment made for life … so that if you died in year 10, you nor your heirs received the final 10 years. So Bro and I always had this scheme were if one of us hit the big lottery, we would call the other and say something like … “Hey, you need the pay me that $.50 you owe me for picking up that lottery ticket we are sharing.” That was code for “Get your ass over here and pay me for 1/2 the ticket … we just won the big one …. Pour Some Sugar On Me !!!!!!!” This way if one us of kicked the bucket, the other could continue to collect on the $$ for us !! 🙂 So without a question, Bro would be my first call still – no doubt, Dad would be second, Shaft and Singer would be next … but I rarely ever make contact with either on my first telephone attempt … so I’d probably end up text messaging them and then leaving it at that.

2. What is the first thing you buy for yourself?

Oh, yes Alex … I’ll take “What is a vagina?” for $15,000.00. That’s an easy one … I’d finish my medical procedures. If I didn’t have my boobs yet at that time, I’d throw those in too (or would that be ‘two‘) :). They are the only procedures I have left. Right now I’m planning on having Dr. Z increase my cup size in a few months, I’m comfortable with his breast work (something he and Hottie have in common … oh yeah, that’s right … I don’t know that for a fact), but if I didn’t have the knockers yet, then I’d just have the surgeon I’m going with for the rest of my work make the additioooons. Right now my surgeon choices for my southern region work are Dr. Brassard, Dr. Meltzer and one of the Thailand doctors. I really prefer Dr. Brassard right now, his sticker price is around $12,000.00 complete, but he’s got about an 18 month waiting list and I’m fairly certain it’s not within my rhelm of patience to wait that long. Dr. Meltzer rocks from what I’ve seen/heard/read … and he’d be my second choice only because he’s so phreakin’ expensive … his out the door price, complete, is approximately $22,000 these days. But his 12 month wait still tests my “I need it now” feeling. The Thailand doctors, if chosen wisely, do some great work, are rather cost effective – approximately $7,500 to $8,500 complete, including travel and extended stay – and the merchandise can be acquired a lot quicker there than here with Drs. Brassard and Meltzer. The downside to Thailand is that … hey, it’s in Thailand, that’s a long way to go to get some pussy. Nice. I really like Dr. Brassard and have been in contact with his office as recently as last week, but he is in Montreal and I’m still hating anything French or so associated. I’d much prefer to have a Made in America, Made in England, Made in Australia, Made in Spain, Made in Italy or Made in Czechoslovakia label near my inner thigh. Dr. Meltzer would be the choice if $$ weren’t an issue, he’s American, does super great work, and I’m told that if you’re flexible with your schedule, you can get in within 6 months or so. Anyways … what was the question again? 🙂

3. What is the first thing you buy for someone else?

I’m sure I’ve said this somewhere on here before … if I won $1,000,000.00 I’d pick a country club somewhat centrally located amongst my family, The UnUsual Suspects and close friends … a place that we could take over. Golf, pool, tennis, restaurant and the all important bar … the basics. I’d buy family memberships for each … so we could all have a place to run into each other and a bar to drink in while the kids are taking tennis lessons or at the pool. I’d figure out a way to fund something so I could also contribute to each family’s annual dues in some way.

4. Do you give any away? If yes, to whom?

Yuhp. When I’m dead. And then Bro and Ex will get most of it. Oh sure, I’d give some away while alive, but I have no burning cause in my mind that just jumps right out to me. I’ve got a trust set up for my two nephews + Shaft’s son to help with their college beer money if I’m not around then … and I’m intending on adding the other offspring of The UnUsual Suspects … but since I’m doing that regardless of whether I win $1,000,000.00 … it really doesn’t count as an answer to this question. 🙂

5. Do you invest any? If so, how?

Uh … d’uh !!! Of course !!!! 🙂 Stocks and bonds … the usual things. I’d turn it over to someone I trust for actually managing the portfolio. Though I might buy a party store for personal and UnUsual Suspect use.

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  1. Hey, if Kramer does the work, can you have him insert a Junior Mint? Can you hit this one, Hottie? If not, can BS pinch hit? Wait… pinch bunt… no brakes, help…

  2. Dr. Kramer … Paging Dr. Kramer !! Yeah … for some reason, I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t let Cosmos even come close to touching me !! 🙂

    Hey Baby Spice !!! Pipe up sometime on here and say hola !! 🙂 Hope all is well !! Oh … and thanks for introducing us to Jager and Red Bull at the alley … OUCH !!!! 🙂

  3. From what I understand, another great surgeon is Dr. Cosmo Kramer, aka The AssMan. PS…Baby Spice says hello!!

  4. ROFLMAO Yeah … I’ve already designated you and Singer as Country Club Selection Committee … I’m really not too fond of the courses myself in BFE that Sister and Miss Daisy might prefer !

  5. I know !!! I’m way behind in e-mails … so deserved to have my butt kicked. Why don’t you just come out here and drink me into the ground … I’m a lightweight in the alcohol consumptioooon challenge, but Miss Daisy can kick serious butt !!

  6. yes, I’d schedule with Dr Metzler and reserve a whole floor of nearby hotel so my friends could vacation and visit during recovery. Friendship and support ARE two-way streets…

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