Yeah !! Butt …

For several months now I’ve noticed that my pants have been slowly, gradually getting shorter …

At first I thought it was just my imagination …

‘Cause I’m sure as heck not getting any taller. (5’ 7 1/2″ at my last official doctor measuring, but I’m calling it 5’8″ as I like to claim I’m a full 2 inches taller than Shaft.)

It wasn’t much, maybe an 1/8th of an inch or so … something you normally would never notice just by eyeing things …

And I only noticed because when you’ve worn the same suit pants, jeans, khakis for any period of time … you just know where you expect them to hit on your shoe.

It also couldn’t have been that my clothes were suddenly shrinking … as for the most part I haven’t been replenishing my boy clothes with any regularity … so these were used, oft washed clothes that were suddenly not reaching for terra firma as they had in the past.

Now I never noticed the incredibly shrinking issues with my girl pants, though I just brushed it off as not being a fair comparision as I tend to get longer girl pants to accommodate my fondness for moderately heeled shoes.

I was stumped … but heck, I wasn’t losing sleep over it, was I? (Subtle reference to my continuing bouts with insomnia !! 🙂 )

Then the past two weeks I’ve noticed something happening …

The pant shrinkage was accelerating !!!

Seriously accelerating … pants that a few months ago touched the top of my shoes, then were a fraction of an inch above my shoes …

Were now 1/2 … 3/4 … 1 inch above my shoes !!

It reached the point where even when I presented boy, I was often wearing my girl jeans just to avoid the capris-for-dorks look.

But today … I went casual into the office … and tossed on a pair of khakis that were never too short in the past.

But I noticed as I put on my shoes … krap, these seem super short today !!

Oh well, whatever.

So I snugged down the pants as low as I could on my waist and figured it’d be no big deal.

But that was not to be …

OBP, New Business Partner (who has spared Shaft from having the worse taste in clothes in the office), and Shaft himself …. all noticed my incredibly shrinking pants.

And all mocked me about … and commented on … my floods !!

Yes … floods I say !!

I couldn’t figure it out … it’s not like I’m wearing them higher on my waist … as with the new Amy-Abs … I’m totally enjoying wearing my pants at new, hip hugging lows. 😛

So I put some serious thought to it … I had to figure this out … I’d logic it out.

1. Pants started getting shorter gradually over several months.

2. Significant shrinkage has occurred since my ffs.

3. My waist hasn’t gotten bigger since ffs, only smaller, thanks to the liposuctioooon and compression garment I’ve been wearing.

Hmmmmmmmmm

4. Compression garment … compresses waist and redirects fat cells elsewhere …

Heyyyyyyy … clearly it’s not pushing the fat cells upwards … which means …

Ahhhhhhh !!!!!!

My boy pants are appearing shorter because my ass is getting bigger !!!

My bigger butt is holding up the fabric of my pants ever so such that it’s not letting the pant legs fall in the straight down boy path for which they had been constructed.

That’s why my pants are getting shorter !

Makes total sense now ! 🙂

…. and thus, another mystery is solved.

(Though I’m not really sure I like the answer.)