Chaos Theory

Caitlin warned me of the “controlled chaos” …

Yodette advised me that this is a period of time … this whole transition thing … when it’s “like a snowball gaining momentum and all one can do is hang on for the ride“.

And Debbie, in total geekette-kewl manner, consoled me with this analogy last night …

… things must feel really out of control sometimes … controlled chaos … sorta like launching a space shuttle … you know you’ve checked all the parts … individually they all work fine … then you put them all together … light the candle … and BOOM!!! … off you go … shaking, rattling and rolling … and even the most analytical engineer/astronauts are crossing their fingers and HOPING the whole thing holds together. The guys on the ground who designed, built and serviced (keep your mind out of the gutter!! Editor’s Comment – Hehe) the ship are reduced to tears at what they’ve accomplished. In your transition, you get to do the design work, and be the finished product…and the ride will never end. No wonder it wears you out sometimes.

So far in my experience … those three couldn’t have described it and warned me better. As at this point, I feel I’m a mere passenger in my transition experience … things I put in motion earlier … are controlling movements now … I’m not even sure I’m in the passenger seat … I might be in the back seat watching a dvd or playing X-Box … ’cause sometimes I think I’m not even watching.

It’s really not a bad feeling, though it is scary at times. But for someone like me that likes to know what’s going to happen and be in control of everything … this is certainly an interesting time in my life.

Similar Posts


  1. Its so amazing to read your blog, cause I get to read about how I’m feeling at the same time…Way too weird…

    In control we ain’t.

    Cheers! Makenna

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *