Post Day 2 – Thriller
Weeee Heeeee !! Michael Jackson !! No kidding !! Geezuz … I look like phreaking Michael Jackson !! lol
I think it’s the lips, but it’s hard to say. Either way, I think the Post Day 2 look … is totally Wacko Jacko.
Oh well, seems to be changing by the minute, we’ll see who I look like tomorrow.
As far as progress goes … I’m feeling better. Definitely better. It’s really amazing that two days after surgery, I feel this fine. I talked some on the phone and managed a few business calls, despite sounding really nasally.
That’s not saying everything is great … I have a dull headache, which is kept numb still with Vicodin. And though the swelling around my eyes has subsided significantly … I can actually see comfortable out of both of my eyes, so sweet ! … the bruising around my eyes remains and the swelling seems to have gravitated downwards.
My cheeks started to get black and blue and there was some noticeable swelling by the end of the day around my mouth. Enough to make mouth movements a bit uncomfortable.
Appetite remained moderate … while I’m still drinking any liquid I can get my hands on … aqua seems to be my fav. I had two scrambled eggs for breakfast, a bowl of soup for lunch and a bowl of soup with some jello for dinner. Yeah, I know, much more mild that normal, in fact, that’s not even one setting for me on a normal day, but hey … my mouth hurt. 🙂
I tire really quickly. I’m good for a couple of hours awake, then sleeping for three hours. The rotten fruit in the southern regions seems to be dissipating, but it’s still fairly … shall we say .. rotten ?? 🙂
I’m feeling a bit antsy … I want to do something when I’m awake, but by the time I move around, I’m tired.
I get to shower for the first time on Day 3, after the removal of my turbin. Yay ! I can’t wait, because I feel totally yuck. But it’s not until late in the evening. Which totally blows. Apparently this stuff has to be compressed for at least 72 hours post, which takes me until 6:30 p.m. eastern standard time.
As far as procedure goes, Dr. Z is letting me remove the head bandage on my own. As I live somewhat conveniently near to Chicago, he’s not keeping me in town for the entire recovery process. He let me leave town on Sunday and I don’t have to return to his office until this coming Friday. I don’t think that has been his standard operating procedure with others from more distant locales. Prior to me leaving on Sunday, we went over what he’s going to tell me to do when I remove the turbin (it’s really just a tightass bandage). So sometime tonight, I’ll page Dr. Z, he’ll call me back, and then we’ll remove things and clean me up.
Emotionally, I’m kinda in a few different places. Everyone has really been so amazing for me during this process, it’s really been touching. Even though I can tell it’s been hard on some. At the same time, I don’t think I’ve really gotten a completely honest version from people of what they think of the results. Honestly, the changes are much more dramatic than I anticipated. My mom and dad I think were expecting much worse, so they have been really cool. But as the swelling subsides, I think they are seeing that my changes have been pretty significant. Last night when Ex visited, she broke down and started crying. I totally understand why … this forces reality to be accepted. And her pain, which she felt bad for even displaying, caused me pain. I’m a bit anxious myself as I had totally expected to comfortably present in boy-mode after the surgery, and I’m beginning to question to legitimacy of that belief. I know things are all hiked up for the time being … my nose, my eyebrows and my lips … but they will need to subside a fair amount before re-presenting myself to society. I’m also aware that right now, I haven’t seen the most important change, the forehead, and that will be the biggest deciding factor on presentation period. Who knows, after seeing the forehead, maybe I’ll be disappointed that I’m not changed enough. It’s hard to say … it’s all about waiting to unwrap the present ! 🙂
Anyways … that’s all for now. Mwore later.
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yo, sky–
we aint never swapped no truckload of honey,
but i have always liked your way with questions…
Blah, fuck answering questions. Heal, rest, be mellow… the world can wait.
That’s a really good question and one I’ve been asking myself … not yet coming up with an answer I find acceptable. I totally agree that no one in their right mind, and I do consider myself in my right mind, would do anything beyond mere investigatory stages of electrolysis …
I’ve been nauseatingly slow in practically everything I’ve done in my evaluation and implementation of transition plans … constantly making sure I could back out or change my mind at any point …
Thus far, I’m thinking the reason for such behavior is because of to what degree I perceive my transsexualism …
There’s no question in my mind, I suffer from gender identity disorder (or whatever the term of the day tends to be), and have since my earliest memories. But maybe due to timing, social/family settings or assorted genetic assemblages … I’ve not reached the point of shear desparation for a need to transition. It’s not a transition or die situation for me. I recognize, I should have transitioned when I first considered it seriously 15 years ago, but delusions and poor counseling told me I should just stick it out doing the guy-thing … however, the dysphoria, though disappearing at times and capable of being suppressed for limited durations, always returned … and over the years continued to become more and more intrusive. Today … if I didn’t transition, I still wouldn’t take my life. But I’m convinced, my life would be impaired … my quality of life compromised … and very possibly, 5 – 10 years down the line … if I don’t transition, I could easily see myself totally not caring for the continuation of my presence. It’s sort of like the person that is overweight, but still young … they probably don’t HAVE to diet now … their youth would most likely overcome any immediate detriment to their health, but 5 – 10 years from now … as they age … it’d catch up with them. And though I perceive transition as a necessary, preventive maintenance step for me … I’ve been constantly aware of just how much I’m giving up as a result and sort of always wanting to keep the option of giving up the diet if I so choose, because I really don’t HAVE to diet right now. Even though I totally know I should.
Long winded response … and really doesn’t answer the question … but it’s my first attempt !! 🙂
i don’t mean to be dense, but i’m truly baffled. one of the things i tell people when i do my gender education thingy is that all of this is just *not* the kind of thing one goes through if one isn’t pretty damned serious about their intentions. very few natal men would sit under an electolygist’s needle for three years (a few would, of course)… and facial surgery? come on.
it’s certainly true that you could present in “boymode” even with full ffs.. but that’s not why you did it.
why the continual hedging, even at this stage?
That’s a good point. This time for recovery as been somewhat difficult for me, as though I’ve been fortunate to have great family and friend support, I haven’t been me as in this environment, I’ve been presenting as Joe Hairdy … oh sure, there have been moments of realization and excitement, but none where I can just totally be happy and me. Which is why I’m looking forward to returning back to my place … for some private reflection. To see what it feels like to be me … and looking like me.
FTM’s pass as males very well with completely female skulls and facial strctures. Don’t be concerned you can’t present as male after you heal, so long as you don’t thin and arch your eyebrows excessively. The bone work and nose changes can’t tip you into “woman” if you want to present as “man”.
The real problem won’t be can present yourself as a man, it will be can you want to present yourself as a man.