Sorry … We Didn’t Notice

Almost two weeks of Isolation and Withdrawal …

Is coming to a close.

Since my day of desperation … I’ve talked to hardly no one other than clients, Shaft and Singer.

Work … private reflection … work … food binges … work … mall runs … work.

Lots of staring at the walls. Lots of sitting by myself alone. Lots of … well … just thinking.

It was good for me. 🙂 I’m now back in the game.

But you know what’s pathetic .. really pathetic ??

No one noticed my Isolation and Withdrawal but me !!!! LOL

Seriously, no one noticed that I’ve been dispondent, quiet and solitary until … Thursday … and then it was my sister-in-law that noticed my disapperance … “Hey, I tried calling Joe Hairdy a few times and he’s never called back, is he okay?” … the irony of her noticing my state before anyone else is hilarious !! (We’ve gotten along much better over the years … sort of a comfortable truce … but there’s no question, in the early days, our relationship was strained … I am incredibly protective of the men in my life … meaning Bro and Shaft … and if their wives are not treating them up to my expectations and the way I think they deserve to me treated … I go on the attack … hence the difficult relationship Sister-in-law and I had in the early days … and why I call Satan … Satan. Treat my boys right dammit !! 🙂 )

Anyways … it’s funny how when I withdrew, stopped taking calls, failed to return calls … no one really noticed.

But that is something that I’ve found unique about the transsexual experience. Different from that of other conditions.

People don’t support you.

Had I had the flu … I’d have received multiple calls asking if I was okay, if I needed anything, if one could be of help …

Had I been diagnosed with depression … I’d have received multiple calls checking in on me, to guage how I sounded, to see if I was okay …

Had I been diagnosed with another condition with which they weren’t familiar … instead of disgust and rebuffs at offers to provide information concerning the diagnosis … any materials offered would have been quickly received, to help better understand what I was dealing with … going through ….

But that’s not the case with transsexualism.

Now I consider myself incredibly lucky … in my day to day life … Shaft has not only shown concern for me, he’s acted on it … I couldn’t be luckier …

And my friends here, have helped me with their words, e-mails and comments more than they can ever imagine …

But at this point… if someone said to me … “Let’s go out and get some coffee.” … I’d probably be shocked to speechlessness !! lol

It simply doesn’t happen. And it’s not like my transsexualism is all I talk about, I rarely mention it, if they have questions, they can ask … but I’m not into push technology …

I guess it’s just easier for people to stay the heck away from me.

Now I don’t necessarily think such behavior is meant to convey a lack of feelings for me … in my delusional frame of reference … I continue to believe most do care for me … it’s just that unlike other conditions where one might receive support throughout the process …

With this … I think for the most part, you’re on your own in dealing with it.

And that’s difficult, because I’ve only got Shaft who is active in his support … and is really the only person I can intrude on with requests for assistance. I’ve tried not to abuse his help, and I think I’ve been relatively cautious in making requests for his time … but there were a couple of situations, doctor visits, follow-ups from procedures … where being left with no choice but to care for myself … I put my own safety, and others, at risk. It’s not a good thing.

But I do believe … after all is said and done … after I’ve proven that I know what I’m doing 🙂 … after I have dealt with it … involvement and comfortable interaction with me will return.

I hopeful ! 🙂