Movie Review – Open Range

Let’s be completely upfront here … I did not pick this movie. Westerns just don’t have any appeal to me … in fact, to emphasize how much I dislike westerns … I’d rather watch a hockey game surrounded by a roomful of overweight middle aged men all wearing their team sweaters with matching face paint than watch a western… ugly visual, huh ?? 🙂

But keeping in theme with the UGH weekend I just had … I ended up seeing a western. I actually paid real money to see it. I didn’t have one of those freebie movie coupons or anything … $5.50 cold hard cash for a matinee ticket. So sad. lol

Ya see, I had previously committed to go golfing with Ex this weekend, but one change let to another and eventually she wanted to go to a movie. Unfortunately, she wanted to see Open Range, the new Kevin Costner flick … oh well.

Now as far as Keven Costner goes … I have no strong feelings for him one way or the other …

I don’t think he’s hunky cute,

I don’t think he’s aging well, in fact, he just doesn’t work for me …

And then there is his gawdful state of teethdom, check them out the next time you see him smile, if you ever do, ’cause it isn’t easy finding a pic of him smiling on the net … But I saw one once, and I just can’t get the image out of my mind whenever I see him ! Yech !!! *shivers*

I did enjoy him in Bull Durham and in his best movie ever … No Way Out. I thought Field of Dreams was great. And I didn’t think Waterworld was as bad as the rest of the world seemed to think. But Tin Cup sucked, as did JFK and The Untouchables. Probably his best role was in The Big Chill (Kevin Costner trivia … his entire role was cut except for the very beginning in The Big Chill. He played the friend that killed himself. It was his breakthrough role. The director made up for cutting him from all speaking roles in the movie by casting him in Silverado, if you call that a make-up kiss.)

All in all … I won’t go see a movie just because he is in it, but I generally wouldn’t try to avoid a movie he was in, unless it was a western.

So that’s the setting going into the movie … piss poor attitude on my part, an indifference towards the lead actor and a strong distaste for the movie genre. Couple that with the fact that I haven’t eaten since Sunday morning (about 30 hours prior) and was so hungry that my main interest in going really was for a Frozen Mountain Dew and Popcorn, and you can see that I might not be in the best frame of mind to be offering an unbiased review of this movie. Whew … I consider full disclosure now complete. 🙂

On with the review …

The previews were lame … targeted for people who like westerns. Go figure.

My first tub of popcorn was flat … but my Frozen Mountain Dew was sweet and tasty. 🙂 I refilled the popcorn container three times during the course of the movie and once on the Frozen Mountain Dew. Unfortunately I didn’t have to go to the restroom, so I couldn’t use that as an excuse to duck outta the flick for a while.

I checked my watch 4 times … really… 4 times !! That’s close to a record I think.

If the screen on my phone wouldn’t have been so bright, I think I’d have played Yahtzee at some point during the movie. Ahhh … okay … busted … I admit it … I know my screen was too bright because I actually did try to play Yahtzee on my phone during the movie. hehe

It just dragged on and on.

And on. The move was 2 hours and 15 minutes long and felt like each 135 of them.

Kevin Costner simply cannot act. I’m sorry. I can deliver lines better than he.

“I’m going to go rustle up some grub.”

An actual line from the movie !! Gawd !! LOL

And Robert Duvall … didn’t do much better.

Annette Benning was good, but certainly not worth justifying seeing the movie.

The big ending … all the gun fights and stuff … I’m sorry. Weak … very weak. Call me spoiled … but I need some explosions and cars blowing up … maybe a landspeeder crash or two.

Heck, I don’t even need that … the fight scenes in Lord of the Rings … with bows and arrows ruled !! This stuff in Open Range … lame. So … so lame.

And Clint Eastwood wasn’t in the movie. Come on now … it’s simply not a western unless Clint is in it ! 🙂

I give it a 3 out of 10. If you feel the need to view this movie … please, please … “Just Say No” to viewing it in the theater … skip pay per view … walk away, no run away, for the shelf containing it in the video store … don’t watch it on a premium channel … wait, for the love of gawd, wait until it’s on some normal commercial television channel and just hope that the commercials are entertaining.

Now in the interests of fair reviewing … Ex gave it a 7 out of 10. She was quick to point out that my initial review was a 4 out of 10 and that in light of my mood at the time, I wouldn’t have rated well any movie … and she’s got a bit of a point. But the dude behind that counter at the popcorn refill station, you know, the dude who I got to know in my multiple refills … he agreed with me that the movie was “pretty slow in the beginning.” Oh well … there really wasn’t much showing anyway. We just need some new movie selections. It probably was one of the best of what was available.