Retail Therapy

So with the previous post adequately describing my current state …

I decided to try and remedy the attitude issue with some retail therapy last night …

Oddly enough … it didn’t work. *shrug*

I carried a cloud with me into Nana ‘Public and strangely dismissed everything in there as overpriced krap. Totally uncharacteristic of me. Not that I don’t usually think everything in there is overpriced, ’cause face it … it is, but because usually I’ll indulge there anyways. I can almost always find something the makes me look cuter than I really am and what’s even better is that not only do they have my size, but it always fits incredibly well. It’s my opinion that the buyers for BR are all t’s.

I ventured into Restoration Hardware … and though I usually find it a quite enjoyable place to browse … again dismissed everything in there as overpriced junk.

I meandered into Marshall Fields in search of some tastefully understated hooter support essentials and quickly realized … this is not the right time to punish myself with such a challenge.

I was then drawn into the Coach store … my second greatest shopping weakness … I could work there … I know their entire product line … and I again tried to rationalize purchasing myself the new Soho Hobo purse I adore … it’s totally me, practical, useful for most ocassions, but way expensive.

I browsed and then looked again … at the purse … it was calling my name …

AmyAmyWe were meant to be together.

Pssst … I know. But you understand the problem, don’t you? Singer wants you too. And she’ll be pissed when she finds out about us. She’ll think I’m copying her.

But you’re not, we were involved before she ever met me.

I know, but she’ll still be pissed.

Realizing that my conversation with the purse of my life was starting to attract attention, I gave it a tender hug, gently set it down, blew it a kiss goodbye and quickly left the store. Knowing full well … our relationship was far from over. We’d be together … and probably soon. 😉

So then I went to Old Navy … useful, disposable, reasonably priced stuff. I can always find something there to buy … well … almost always. Because this trip … it hit me … I’m way too phreaking old to be shopping at Old Navy (yeah, I know … the Old in Old Navy isn’t meant to be descriptive of its customers) … this stuff is for younger, kuter girls … not middle aged attitudes like me … oh well, I had to buy something … so I found a cute top I liked (mine is yellow) and purchased it. I’m not a big snap fan, and was actually looking for some button-up shirts, because pulling stuff over my head after ffs is a no no for a while, but I couldn’t find anything that looked good on me. A frequent problem these days.

I then proceeded to leave the mwall after comfortably killing 90 minutes of my life.

What to do … what to do now.

So I drove around a bit … actually quite a bit … went to Blockbuster … nothing enthused me there.

Decided that dinner was needed. Of course, that required a whole different decision making routine. Which I copped out on by going to my old stand-by … my fried fish hangout … where at one time or another … I’ve represented everyone that works there !! hehe … meaning that … I don’t have to pay for my food … they give it to me … “No no Joe, your money’s not needed here.” *wink* *wink* But that of course means I have to be in Joe Hairdy mode, ’cause just can’t go there as I was at the time. No problem. Babywipes to the face, a side street, baseball hat, quick top change, bra removal, accessory elimination and shoe switcheroo and I had re-boyed myself enough to pass. It’s just so weird sometimes. “Hey Joe” … “Joe !” … “Hey kiddo” … I heard as I entered the restaurant … consciously not removing my Raybans as I always have problems getting a clean removal of liner … a short bit later … I’m in my car heading home.

Them none the wiser,

And me packing 1 1/2 lbs of fried battered smelt, 1 1/2 lbs of fried battered shrimp, 1 1/2 lbs of fries and 1 lb of onion rings.

Ahhhhh yes … this my friends … is the BINGE part of my binge and purge. 🙂 Mmmmm fried greasy food. Yum yum.

Deciding that I wanted to amuse myself further, I figure I’ll see if I can re-girl myself enough not to get the crap beat outta me. So another side street, reinstallation of the bra, no top change – simply tucked it in, dismissed the baseball cap and fluffed up the hair, some accessory additions, shoe for sandal switcheroo and some lipstick and gloss … I stop at a market about two blocks from being in a good neighborhood. Why ?? Because I need some seriously strong horseradish … I’m sucha dork. LOL I grab my purse and head into the market … keeping the same Raybans on the face the entire time, cause I wasn’t interested enough in this little endeavor to redo the eyes … made my purchase and left not noticed by a soul, at least that I could tell. *shrug*

Finally home, I camped out in front of the tube to watch a double hitter of While You Were Out and proceeded to binge as it was meant to be done.

Satisfying. Very satisfying. Though I wanted stronger horseradish. 🙂

Similar Posts


  1. hmmm…
    i feel fat
    just reading about that much fried food…

    you can call me catherine the great,
    because i stay with the same purse
    until the strap breaks…

  2. ooooh, good idea! i’ll take it, thanks! 🙂

    but can i just tell you, coach always reminds me of this one girl i knew whose parents were so *filthy rich* that she looked down on people who owned coach bags. she was actually quite nice generally and we were friends, but all the luxury she enjoyed really warped her sense of money and privilege…

    me, i’m afraid of touching the stuff in coach, in case they have some secret “you touch it, you buy it” rule that i’m not “in” enough to be privy to. 😛


  3. I’m going to buy it ! 🙂 And then Claire will end up “borrowing” it … “just for tonight” … and I’ll never see it again !! LOL

  4. better yet, i like the bag, buy it for me! then you don’t have to worry about the whole singer issue at all! great plan, huh?! 😛

    ..claire, who *sooo* needs a trendy purse

  5. You like the bag, buy it. If you wince at the idea Singer will notice, swap bags when you expect to see her. If she spots you anyway and has a similar purse, smile, look her in the eye, and say: “You have good taste, too.” If she hasn’t given into the urge yet: “Saw it first.” Wink and duck.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *