Let’s Make A Deal

I’m not sure how to explain this … but I’ll give it a shot.

Most desire for me to stick it out in boy role, do an Option 3. And since some are in the Bargaining stage of acceptance, I’m getting approached with compromises … and one of the ideas being tossed at me right now is …

Cease all hormone intake, cease all Amy-mode lifestyle and moderate my resulting GID with anti-anxiety drugs like Xanax and the such.

One of the reaons I think this one is getting so much air-time is because I’ve never tried it.

No one, meaning counselors, have ever suggested that I need any such medication. Let’s see, last count I think I was around 150 hours of therapy sessions and prolly around a dozen various docs checking me out for different things at one time or another … part of the whole evaluatioooon process is to eliminate other possible causes for the feelings of anxiety … depression, muliple personality disorder, bi-polar disorder, blah, blah and blah … no one has even suggested or even hinted I am anything other than an oddly happy, well adjusted, optimistic person … and that my feelings of discomfort, my lifelong feelings of unease … is gender identity dysphoria, a condition characteristic of transsexuals. It’s the correct diagnosis. I know.

With that being the diagnosis, no one really suggested anything like Xanax or such anti-anxiety meds in an attempt to alleviate the anxiety. And heck, it never crossed my mind.

So when asked …

I honestly can’t say I’ve tried it.


Now suddenly there’s something to toss out for me to try that I haven’t tried before. Something not as extreme as having a sex change.


Well, my first response is that I’m fairly confident if such was an effective treatment option, I’d have heard of it. Wrong Answer. Since I haven’t heard of it, and since it seems to be an obvious solution from others’ viewpoint, I just haven’t done my research as thoroughly as I’d like people to believe.


You feel anxiety right? There are anti-anxiety drugs, right? Just take those instead and don’t have a sex change. It’s easy.


I really don’t think that it would be an effective treatment approach. I don’t think the anti-anxiety drugs available are formulated to treat gender identity disorder. They are formulated to treat other specific anxiety-type disorders. If we’re going to just do a blanket hit of medication to suppress the discomfort, it’s easier just to drink the pain away. And ultimately I don’t think that would be any more destructive than using a hodge-podge of prescription drugs. Both I think are dangerous approaches.

But you don’t know?


No, I don’t. But this is my perspective. If the applicable Standards of Care for this condition, and accepted medical procedures, all said that treatment should be with anti-anxiety drugs, and no one had ever tried a gender transition solution, would you be advocating as passionately to disregard the Standards of Care and accepted medical procedures in favor of trying out a gender transition solution that has never been evaluated? Because that’s what you’re suggesting I do. I’m treating my condition By The Book. Slow, deliberate, cautious. I don’t like the solution anymore than you, but from my slow, deliberate, cautious approach, I get the feeling it’s the right thing for me. Gender transition is the closet thing I’m going to get to a cure. In fact, if it’s successful, it is a cure in my mind. Drugs like you’re suggesting aren’t a cure, it’s an attempt to treat the symptons, but the symptons don’t do away. Just the pain associated with them. And just temporarily. And I’d always know, it’d return.


Interesting how the more people try to talk me out of transition … the more I listen openly to their comments, thoughts, ideas and opinions … the more I become convinced, not only have I done my homework, I’m doing the right thing. 🙂

On a side note … I’ve spent time the past few days trying to find discussion of such an approach … and even my reliable, most valuable tool Google didn’t find anything of use for evaluation.

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  1. I think you can handle the conversation the same way we handled our choice of baby names. “I want to share this with you but I’m not seeking feedback.”

  2. perhaps this could help–
    IF xanax or any other treatment plan
    would be effective, it would have been used–
    (okay, yes, i think you already said that)
    you’ve been thouroughly evaluated by REAL
    do keep in mind that “the crying game”
    and half-a-dozen dirty jokes
    comprise the full scope
    of most people’s knowledge on this subject…

    How can transsexuals (gender identity disorder) be treated? Is sex change surgery recommended?
    In the treatment we always face the question of whether the feeling should be adjusted to the body or the other way around. For the milder forms of gender identity disorders psychotherapy can be used.
    Since it is often hard to treat, the only alternative seems to be to adjust the body to the sex characteristics. In the first phase of this treatment, the psychological and psychosexual development, the individual capacity and the social environment of the patient are investigated. This phase is also meant to screen off people with completely different motives for sex change and patients who are confused about their gender identity.


  3. who was it that said,
    “All my good ideas have already been written
    by someone else!”?

    but visiting here
    is like visiting a fabric store–
    i find so much good material i could use!

  4. If people keep bothering you with other solutions to your “problem”, have them go watch something like “One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest”. A little pre-frontal lobotomy never hurt anyone!

    That’s about what would happen to you if they put you on those kinds of drugs. You’re not suffering from those kinds of problems. If you were, I think one of the first five doctors would have thought of that treatment.

    It’s nice to let friends and family understand, and even vent their worries, but I agree with Sianna ( 😉 ) that once their peace has been said, they need to back off and let you be an adult here. You’re obviously not demented, and in need of institutionalization (although…. you DO practice law! 😉 ).

    Smile, shake your head up and down, say “Thanks for your concern” and have them move on. It’s your life, and your problem, and your solution.

    Maybe they need to visit Lynn Conway’s site, and see how there are a lot of successful women who have made it through this journey. (http://www.lynnconway.com)

  5. Excuse me. How old are you?


    Act your age. Politely but firmly explain to them once and only once that while you value their input, your decision is yours alone. As you have no serious family obligations (spouse/dependant) your are solely entitled to make decisions for your life that will benefit you. Explain this as tactfully as possible, but do not compromise. Bluntly inform them that their input will only be tolerated to a point, and remind them that they should be happy that you are happy… true parents just want happiness for their kids, not their own ideas of it.

    Sorry if that sounds cold. But firm ground isn’t stood by negotiation. And goddess knows we all need firma terra in this journey.

  6. Thank you all for your comments !! You can’t imagine how that has helped. I was at a loss searching for the words to explain why I know such a proposal would not simply work for me. I’m fortunate in that I don’t think I’ve experienced any real depression, and though a degree of anxiety is felt, it’s not the most difficult for me to control, it’s the frustration and unhappiness of perpetuating a false myth of myself that is getting nearly impossible to contain. Not to mention, I find it totally distasteful to dope myself up on drugs in an attempt to suppress the real me … which is frustrating to think that someone would prefer a doped up false me to the real me.

  7. My sister is on medication to deal with her stress and anxiety. She still has the same horrible boss, idiot co-workers, crushing bills, moron husband, two kids, and a house to maintain. She has had her perscription upped, and then changed to a stronger variant, and the drugs still don’t seem to help.

    If an effective solution to the root problem is available, no competant doctor would recommend only treating the symptoms and ignoring the cause. Fix the cause and the symptoms will go away.

    Besides, how many people are aware of the nasty side-effects all of these anti-anxiety and anti-depression medications have? They aren’t the magic pills advertised on TV.

    Sorry, rant over. deep breath 🙂

  8. If you Mom was married to a man who abused her, would it be better to leave him, or would it be better to take anti-anxiety pills to help her not to fear the next beating so she could keep the marriage intact? If you went to a doctor complaining of a bad headache and he found a brain tumor, taking a handful of aspirin each day would be the easiest, cheapest and least invasive treatment, for however few days remained. Would anyone who cared about you recommend it?

    They are grasping at straws. Is the only symptom you feel anxiety? Do you also feel depression, frustration and unhappiness? An anti-anxiety med won’t cure those. Being drugged into an insensate zombie won’t make you stop wanting to live as a woman. It would only dull your ability to feel and live. If your need was a classic obsessive disorder symptoms, such a med might help. But when transsexuals take them, more likely than not, it just helps them make a smoother transition at a more sedate pace.

    You have been plodding along at a moderate pace already. Anti-anxiety meds would, at best, only grease the transition skids, because they’d lower your fears of rejection. Ironically, they’d prevent you from being cowed into option three.

  9. Great answer !! I think I’ll toss that one out the next time the topic comes up … that should be in another 5 – 10 minutes I’d guess ! 🙂

  10. so if they like the anti-anxiety drugs so much, why not have your critics take them to relieve them of their anxiety about your transition? 😛

    and i think it’s only natural that clashing opinions would definitely solidify your stance, since you have obviously spent way more time thinking about this stuff than those who’d have you not transition.


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