Why Shaft?

So … when Shaft writes his Ask Shaft! column … it’s just as much a surprise to me as is it to you what questions he’ll answer or what he will say …

The only benefit I get is an earlier read …

He sends his column to me late Monday afternoon and then I post on Tuesday …

No editor control over content is exhibited …

No re-writes are requested …

No deletions or additions are made …

Nada.

And this week … we discussed in only the way we can discuss one of his so-called answers … hehe …

But true to intent …

Every part of his column was posted as submitted.

But that’s not the focus of this post.

What’s the focus is that I was totally caught of guard by his statement that he still doubts whether or not I will transition.

He knows me better than you do … he gets to see me most days … and he knows how much I’m struggling with the pain I’m causing to some family and friends … and how much I’m saddened already at the thought of moving away …

It’s tearing at me …

But it hasn’t caused me to re-think my path.

I did something I obviously rarely do …

I re-read some of my posts …

The Decision episodes specifically.

And other than being reminded just how irritating my style of posting can be at times ….

I became very aware that my analysis hasn’t changed in the least. In fact, I think if anything it’s strengthened my resolved.

Oh sure … I have moments of doubt on occasion …

And moments when I wonder if the ideal relationship with a woman could “save” me …

But those moments and occasions of doubt have been less than I honestly expected.

This isn’t easy for me …

I’ve got a pretty good role I’m playing …

And there are people that mean the world to me …

That I’m going to hurt …

And miss.

But that doesn’t mean it’s not going to happen.

Anyways … good column Shaft !