Ripppp ….. Ripppp
This whole implementation thing is ……
Overwhelmingly scary sometimes …..
At least for me …..
Two bandages have been ripped off this week ….. mom and dad …..
Though the final words were not spoken …..
It’s clear we are all seeing the direction …..
Mom read my Decision episodes that I forwarded to Dad …..
They are both writing their comments to it and we’ll talk about it this week yet.
When I talked with my mom yesterday ….. she said that it didn’t freak her out, but that there’s a lot of it that her and Dad don’t understand ….. that’s … ummmm …. understandable. 🙂
At one point she referred to me as “Son” and then said, “Oh, I guess I can’t call you that anymore, I don’t know what to say.”
She expressed that she couldn’t see why in the world anyone would “want” to be a woman …. and listed an assortment of reasons why she couldn’t figure out why anyone would …. (similar to my Perks of Being A Guy list).
I didn’t challenge her with any of her statements …. it wasn’t the time, nor the place ….. and she needed to talk uninterrupted.
But afterwards ….. I felt so strange …. still feel so …..
Wouldn’t say it’s a bad or good feeling ….
It’s just an interesting mixture of fear, relief, doubt, excitement, optimism, nervousness and sadness …..
Not all in the same quantity of course 🙂 ….. but whatever it’s combination …..
It’s a really weird feeling ! This stuff isn’t easy !!
Oh, and by the way ….. sometimes …. I’m a real dumbphuck …. so right now …. all of you … can just say your collective ….. DUH !!!! 🙂
I want to vanish.
This is my fondest wish:
To go where I cannot be captured;
Laid on a decorated dish.
Even in splendor, this curious fate
is more than I care to surrender;
Now it’s too late.
Whether in wonder, or indecent haste,
you arrange the mirrors and the spools
to snare the rare and precious jewels
that were only made of paste.
If you should stumble upon my last remark,
I’m crying in the wilderness,
I’m trying my best to make it dark.
How can I tell you I’m rarer than most?
I’m certain as a lost dog
pondering a sign post.
I want to vanish.
This is my last request.
I’ve given you the awful truth,
Now give me my rest.
–Elvis Costello
“Telling people is more difficult than going under the knife.”
hmmm…
yes, that’s literally true…
for my gall bladder…
i was absolutely alone…
had to go in guy mode,
and didn’t even want my best friend to see me
like that…
Thank you 🙂
*hugs* You need ’em. Telling people is more difficult than going under the knife.
*more hugs*
i must be a dumptruck, too,
‘cuz i don’t understand
why we should be saying “duh”
anyway,
you probaly know already
that we didn’t choose to be women
any more than our moms did…
but you’re right about letting her just
talk first…