The Curse of Insomnia

I was catching up on some of my blog reading in the middle of last night …. yes, insomnia again …. ‘ways ….. Sianna was commenting in one of her posts about whether she should remove her personal journal from the web in light of some rather hateful e-mail she’s received recently regarding some of her posts …. it’s a good question …… and I’ve struggled with it quite a bit myself ….. cause, let’s face it, in reality, people rarely know what you’re “really” thinking …. and here ….. I’m telling you what I’m really thinking …. completely emotionally exposed ……

but I’m really doing it for myself …. it’s how I think things out …. analyze and evaluate ….. and I think there’s a side benefit that by giving others a chance to read this ….. read what I’m going through …. maybe they won’t feel like I did for so long ….. like they are the only one ….. and maybe, just maybe …. in an odd, distant sort of way …. I can be a role model for someone …. and though not being “Out and Activist” ….. I can be “Woodwork and Boring” (i.e. woodwork —- not being stealth, but not being activist either …. in the middle, just blending in most of the time) ….. (for a really good discussion of this topic, check out Caitlin’s post.) but by doing so ….. it carries a risk …. since this is my innermost thoughts, and there’s some highly confidential disclosures here (even if in “code” :)) ….. I’ve got a real quandry deciding to what extent I will inform my close friends and family about this site (other than Shaft of course) …. which was an original purpose of this site in my mind …… AND ANOTHER IRRITATE …. is that I get some rather interesting e-mails ….. and comments that I delete as inappropriate (I don’t delete comments if you disagree with me ….. that’s fine, I like that …… but some comments are just simply evil and those go) ….. some of those e-mails may be correct …. I might being going to hell …. but it’s certainly not because of being a transsexual ….. and though I may be an incredible flirt and adore attention …. I’m not about to post the type of pictures of myself frequently requested ….. as I have said all along …. this site ….. is for me ….. and if it ever gets to the point when I no longer need it or it ceases serving a purpose ….. then it’ll go ….. I sorta think that will come in about 2 years based on my schedule ….. seems to be what is going on with Kate’s site ….. once you survive transsexualism ….. then you’ve got a lot of missed living for which to make up !!!! 🙂