Please keep your arms and

Please keep your arms and hands to your side, make sure your restraints are properly secure …… and of course …. ENJOY THE RIDE 🙂

Hey all !!!! It feels really good to be adding to my blog more than once a week again !!! It’ll be more frequent than that soon enough ….. I promise. And though I absolutely love getting mail from guests, I add to my blog more for me than for anything else. I’m a very analytical type of person, when making decisions, I can make them quick or I can make then long and drawn out, but either way, at some level, I do the old ….. ADVANTAGES and DISADVANTAGES analysis whenever I’m making a decision. When I add to my blog, it’s sort of a scream of conscious mind dump for me, the way I write letters/briefs/pleadings, except I don’t really do any subsequent re-writes (well, yes, I do try to scan afterwards for typos or painfully, obvious grammatical errors which would cause my h.s. English teacher to track me down and kick my ass).

I know you don’t visit to read about my work, and I don’t make much mention of it, but I had a really hard, long, exhausting week. I was in court all over my side of the state this week on a few “messy” cases. But wow ….. what a week…. I’m pretty good at what I do. Sort of boggles my mind, because though I certainly don’t lack confidence, I think of myself as me ……. nothing special. But sometimes, like yesterday, when I was sitting in my office at the end of the week, looking at my office and realizing ….. I’ve got a good 18 – 24 hours of paperwork to churn through this weekend that has somehow piled up there ….. trying to figure out what how in the heck it could have gotten so wicked out of control, reflecting on the week, and realized …… the people that hired me this week to help them, though they made a lot of bad decisions in their lives, made a good one there ….. I’m not saying that other attorneys couldn’t have done what I did, I’m sure some could, and some could do better, for in those circumstances, and at that time ….. I did good for each of them !! 🙂 Which leads me to today’s topic ………. (what?? she has a topic for today??? I thought she was just rambling on with not coherent concept in mind !!!!) …… I really enjoy my profession (don’t get me wrong, I don’t love it every day, as with every job, there are some things I absolutely hate about it), but if I choose Choice A, what will I do? Would I: 1.) Continue working as an attorney-if so, a.) in my hometown or b.) someplace else; 2.) Take a short break-do something else while I acclimated to things-then return to my hometown to a.) practice law or b.) do anything else; 3.) If I chose to practice law, would I a.) return to my firm, b.) work for another firm, c.) work in some other legal capacity; 4.) Return to my hometown and work here or move someplace else. Shaft and I have had some extensive conversations about this ….. he has made his opinion clear …… he wants me to bite the bullet and continue working at our firm while I transition. Right now, today, I’m not inclined to do that …… I’m not sure I want to work as hard as I do now if I choose Choice A and transition. I’ve worked my tush off my entire career, sure, I want to do a good job; yes, I’m dilligent; but, I’d be a lying fool if I didn’t admit that my pursuit of career advancement, business creation/growth, and educational advancements wasn’t partly due to my avoidance of dealing with my transsexual issues. I don’t want to continue “avoiding”, I can and want to enjoy life (which I’m doing now more too :)). So, I’m really inclined to think that if I chose Choice A, I’d probably just seek a 9-5 job of some sort (knowing full well, I would still work more than 9-5, but not unreasonably more !!). But that leads me to the final connection in this circle ….. if I did the 9-5 thing …… I’d miss not being the type of attorney I am now, I’d miss not having my own firm, being the boss (well, one of two bosses, Shaft and I have equal voting rights, each with veto power, no one can make a decision without either Shaft’s or mine consent), doing the work I do ……. because there is satisfaction in doing the job I do for people ……. sooooo …… hmmmmm ……. maybe I would come back/stay in town and practice law …… but wait, I don’t want to keep working that hard !!!

Stay tuned ….. I’ll try to post later ….. I need to bring you up to speed on my tracheal shave surgery scheduled for two weeks from now. Gawd, I’m starting to freak !!!! I’ve never had surgery before !!!!