Have I ever told you about the time I got the living krap kicked out of me in a chick fight ???
No?
Seriously?
I haven’t?
Well then …
To begin,
It’s not an entirely accurate statement that …
I got the living krap kicked out of me in a chick fight.
I didn’t really.
Technically speaking,
I got the living phucking krap kicked out of me in a chick fight.
Total,
Complete …
Annihilation.
Krazy, I’m tellin’ ya.
No, No, Nooooooo !!!
My dear boy viewers …
Stop that right now !!!
Slowly,
… Gradually,
…… Discretely,
Lift your hand and place it back on the keyboard.
I’m not talking about the kind of chick fight where …
Women-folk scratch and claw one another,
Pull hair,
Tear off tops,
Fall into mud,
And eventually end up making out with one another.
Ohhhh !
… Oohhhhhhh !!
…… Ooohhhhhhhhhhhh !!!
Nope,
Definitely not that type of chick fight.
The type of chick fight I’m talking about is …
The one where one woman,
Or group of women,
Assert a …
Moral,
Intellectual, or
Societal standing,
Superiority over another woman.
One of those “I’m better than you” kinda fights …
Where women go no holds barred …
To make sure the …
Alleged,
Accused,
Asserted …
Less moral, less intelligent, or lower class standing chica is well aware of the identified differences between them and is thoroughly …
Degraded,
Beaten, and
Humiliated.
So not fun.
Now I know,
You’re probably saying, “But Amy-wan, you’re a Jedi … how could you have gotten the living krap kicked out you in a …”
“No, no“, I’d interrupt, “That’s not what I said.”
“Oh, you’re right,” you would correct and rephrase,
“I meant .. but Amy-wan, you’re a Jedi … how could you have gotten the living phucking krap kicked out of you in a chick fight?”
Well kiddos,
It’s simple.
I was unprepared.
One of the down sides of not growing up natal,
In addition to the whole just going through the motions, being internally miserable at best, and not even coming close to living life things,
Yo,
Is that I was totally klueless when it came to the whole chick fighting scene.
I didn’t know the warning signs that a chick fight was developing,
That I was in peril,
Who would have my back,
And most importantly,
How to defend myself.
Heck,
I was so klueless that …
Not only did I get the living phucking krap kicked out of me,
But I was actually in two separate chick fights at the same time.
And to make matters worse,
I was not even aware I was in either chick fight until it was too late,
And I laid broken and bloodied from both.
“Ummm … could use a little help here. Ow !”
On a scale of 1 – 10 …
It sucked.
Anyways,
I learned a few things from the experience,
And consistent with the whole theme of sharing my life here so others can learn from my mistakes,
I’m not an example, I’m a warning ! 
This Chick Fight mini-series covers the Uno, Dos, and Tres of what I learned from the experience.
Peace be with you.
This post is the first in a series of five (1 of 5). As each of the posts are published, the links below will go live. And contrary to most of my mini-series, the only post that I have yet to complete is Aftermath, meaning it’s my plan to post one a day in successive days. Enjoy. She shoots, she scores !
Chick Fight – The Boxed Set
Chick Fight – Initiation
Chick Fight – Lesson Uno
Chick Fight – Lesson Dos
Chick Fight – Lesson Tres
Chick Fight – Aftermath
Be of good cheer. It’s less than a month until Amy’s annual post!
Should be later today!
I’m on pins and needles!!!!
Just three more days until Amy’s annual post!
Oh boy! I’m so excited! Only one more week until this edge-of-the-seat thriller is continued in its annual post. Awesome!
Dear god, it’s been months since I came here last and look at ALL those changes. I don’t recognise the website anymore. And all those new photo’s … unbelievable {/sarcasm}.
;-P
Will check again for the Yearly Update.
Yes, Amy. Nearly time for your annual post!
Hey … it’s November ! I have a post due !
First…in November of 2009!!
Where did I put my Magic 8 Ball?
Think She’ll get a continuance?
Less than a month to Amy’s annual post!!!
I FOUND Amy she is running a little chinese resturant here in Clearwater Fla she also single handedly keeps the bar busy as well… if i can get a pic of the place i will aoh and by the way great crab rangoon …hahahaha
It’s kind of amazing that we – her peeps – can wait so long for partial posts. Says something about our comedic author, don’t you think?
On the other hand, it might say something about us too.
Look on the bright side. We’re only a few weeks away from Amy’s annual post.
First in October of 2009!
What? Is Amy moving?
It’s the change of venue that’s going to be the killer….
Hey, JC, you know how the legal system works. It’s not waiting. Lawyer don’t wait, they delay, postpone and continue.
I guess we’ll have to wait some more <):)
… Before we take a jaundiced view?
LOL I know !!!
I’ll rectify that situation promptly ! Seriously ! I will !!! Stop laughing people !!! I mean it … really, I do !!! 
I’m NOT kidding !!! You just wait and see !!! 
I’m going to post … a real post, too !!! Not just a link to something I thought was funny. 
Hmmm … I wonder how many smiley face things I can use in one comment without turning everything yellow?
You know that doesn’t count as a post right Amy?
First after Labor Day
Wow. Amazing. Amy lives!
Yeah … I’ve got to go with Yodette on this one !
But Meg, deciding to move on would be a big decision. It would take years of,
“Do I need to move on.”
“No, the blog is useful.”
“Maybe I need to move on.”
“Is the blog useful?”
“Do I need to move on?”
ect. etc. ect. etc. ….
I’d be very surprised if we see another post. Clearly, Amy has moved on, as maybe we all should.
I know! Amy’s gone from semi-annual to annual posting. Guess we’ll see the next post in November.
If someone got pregnant the day Amy last posted, she’d have had the baby by now.
Just saying….
Amy,
What’s your Mafia Wars nickname?
Amy, before you completely abandon your transition site – after all, you are well past transition now, presumably settled into a nice normal life at this point, and beyond the validation and outlet this site provided during those more trying times – maybe you could do your loyal peeps a favor and post those long promised entries on Amy’s News Conference and the continuation of this final entry on the Chick Fight. After all, you did say they were essentially written and just needed posting.
Lacking new postage, perhaps you might send along a farewell message just to let us know this part of your journey is more or less over.
For those waiting for any news whatsoever from our lovely Amy, to pass the time you might enjoy watching a nicely done documentary on Chloe Prince on ABC Primetime about two weeks ago. Here is the link:
http://abcnews.go.com/video/playerIndex?id=8141938
Oh where, oh where has our Amy gone?
Oh where, oh where can she be?
With a beer in her hand and her smart ass mouth,
Oh where, oh where can she be?
First … this week!
Well powerball has not come thru well there is always next year! good night everyone sweet dreams.
Well I just got home from work and Happy Birthday to Me! i came to see if Amy posted but i do not see it so i guess i am going to win the power ball … cause i wished for Amy to post or win the powerball so …hhhmmm night
Got one. Busy, busy, busy.
I think Amy’s just trying to tell -us- to get a life!
This blog was more fun before Amy got a life.
well if not a post how about an updated pic of Amy and her” Puppy”?
Based upon past performance, Jenny, I’d suggest lower exectations.
maybe first in july but my b day is the 9th i was wishing for Amy to post so what do you think? hhhmmm
First in July!
There are so many good movies out this summer. Think we could get a movie review or something?
Hope you’re doing well.
Eileen.
I was just wondering how the rules of adverse possession might apply to websites…
*grins*
Tara
First…This Week!!!
Mus’n't taunt Happy Fun Amy!
“I’ll get on it.” LMAO!!!
Riiiiiiggggghhhhhtttt……ranks right up there with Joe Isuzu saying, “Trust me.”
Tara
Hey Meg ! There’s no testing, I wouldn’t do that. I can’t believe it’s been 7 months. Yikes ! I’ll get on it.
Interesting! After 150 comments, you get a whole new page to yourself!
I think Amy is just testing us to see how long we remain faithful readers.
No ! You have not been !
We’ve been forsaken
An observation: it’s been a little over seven months since the last Amypost.
There was an opening for another lawyer after the unfortunate demise of Jabba.
I know why Amy hosn’t posted in such a long time.
She’s gone deep stealth, on Tatooine!
The name of the GUY that’s got you sooooo distracted from your loyal and devoted fans….
Tara
Whose name?
Amy, What’s his name?
Seduction is boring? My!
I can understand best laid plans, or maybe best planned leis, but best planned lays just sound boring!
Was it “the best laid plans” or “the best planned lays”? I forget.
Who was it that said, “it’s my plan to post one a day in successive days. “???
Ok. We should expect the followup to chick fight to be posted in November 2011? 2012?
You have to recall that Amy-wan is a huge Lucas fan. And if I recall correctly it took Mr. Lucas many years to get his prequels out to the public.
First! This week!
Oh I remember !!!
I’ll share !
Anyone think Amy remembers what this fight was about?
If Amy’s adopted a semi-anual posting schedule, she already a day late.
What do you think, Amy-wan???
Tara
1. For me, in just about every way imaginable…not BECAUSE I’m living as a woman, but because I am living a life that is true to who I am. I no longer wake up, worrying about someone “finding out” my secret. I know longer worry about what people will think about me being Trans. I am at peace with myself…and that has made ALL the difference.
2. I’ll let you know after I finish (i.e., have my SRS)….LOL… ..but, I have noticed a very distinct loss of strength from the hormones. I remember Amy telling me once that the grocery bags suddenly got heavy and jar lids too tight. I really get that now.
3 & 4. I am DEFINITELY more emotionally sensative than I used to be. I never cried before…now, I’ll cry at a phreakin touching commercial on TV. (and not bad crying…just good honest emotional response)
5. That live is so much better, living as yourself…without “fear” ruling your life.
*hugs*
Tara
OK been a while how bout my five favorite questions
1. How is living as a female different from living as a male.
2. How is living with a female body different with the sensations of a male body and I am not asking sexually
3. Do you notice any difference in how your mind works your thought process and if so what.
4. How is emotional response different?
5. And what is it the rest of us chickens who haven’t transitioned and lived with it for years don’t know that we should know?
LOL!
Ammmmmmyyyyyyyyy….where are you???
Is that what they mean by, “You rock”?
Well, I KNOW she isn’t under MY rock!!
I leave the question as an exercise for the readers.
How about in a gutter? Is that too harsh?
Looking for Amy under a rock? Owwwwww. Harsh.
***lifts rock to look for Amy***
Hello?
Tara
Was that a Mayday, JC?
First in May!
Amy Happy BELATED BIRTHDAY ..sorry i missed it hope your welland happy take care HUGS Jenny
Happy Birthday!
Thanks Tara !
Happy Birthday, Amy! Make sure you have a trustworthy designated-driver for this evening (we want you around for a while!)…
*birthday hugs*
Tara
Happy BirthdayAmy! I hope you enjoy it
Well, Meg … I have to agree. Receiving a coherent post from me today is definitely going to be unlikely ! LOL
Hey TL !!! Thanks !!!
Happy Amymas!
I think Amy has moved through Shadow to Amber, where the time differential is at least 2.5 Earth days to each Amber day. (for clarification, you might want to read the Amber Chronicles by Roger Zelazny). With her recent 6 month posting frequency, from Amber she’d still use the same six months, so we shouldn’t really begin to worry if she’s abandoned her peeps for, oh, about 2-1/2 years! Hmm, I don’t know, but that seems darn close to abandonment to me.
We certainly shouldn’t expect a coherent post or response today by any stretch of the imagination, since Amy will no doubt be drunk on her birthday.
Amy day are a little like dog years….
One day until Amymas! HAPPY (early) BIRTHDAY, Amy!
Me thinks we’re heard the promise of “postage-by-a-certain-day” before….I’ll believe it when I read it!
Love ya babe…and I’m glad your practice is keeping you so busy.
*hugs*
Tara
Tick, Tock….Tick, Tock…..
Ick … definitely not the MySpace. I never got the MySpace bug … it’s too messy for me, though I think I do have a page there. Friday … in 2 days. Postage.
No. We still have another month to go. If, that is, we can drag her away from her myspace page.
It has been six months since her last official post. Will we see new Amy musings soon?
Amy’s twittered for years but maybe Twittering would be only something esle to no have time for? I’d say she’d feel guilty about not keeping up her Twittering, but….
Hopefully you haven’t caught on to Twittering yet….
Goodness no … I’m really not a fan of Facebook. I have an account there to keep up with some of my friends mainly, but I don’t update there.
Methinks Amy is spending more time on Facebook than here….
First!
This week!
100
I vaguely recall, now that you mention it.
So much time. So few posts.
Yodette,
I believe that is the new man in Amy’s life. If memory serve me correctly after lo these many months from an earlier post.
Amy has a kitty?
Wow! Are those actually new photos of Amy? Maybe she’s getting ready to post.
First!!
In April.
April 15 is just aroound the corner, but it’s still a month too early for Amy to post.
In the meantime, I suppose we could play that old countdown to 100 game.
I expect Amy will be up late on the 15th of April, busy at her computer… doing her tax return.
April 15th is right around the corner and you know what that means, right? Another post from Amy!
She’s either hybernating or Hibernian-ating… the difference between sleeping soundly and passed out drunk.
Amy’s alive, but hybernating
oh, you know, from time to time i stop by to say that i’m still alive, and i’m glad that you are too…
LOL Not yet !!! But it is on my agenda for today !!!
Happy St. Patrick’s Day !!!!!
Drunk yet?
I think Amy-Wan has moved to Mercury, where the day is 58.7 Earth days long. That would explain her “day” being somewhat longer than we’re accustom to.
Hopefully she has good air conditioning, as the average surface temperature is a toasty 350 F all year. At least there isn’t any snow to ruin your commute.
If she actually lives on Venus, we’re in trouble if we really need an Amy-fix. The day is 243 Earth days. But acid rain is a real problem there. And the temperature is even a bit warmer, at 850 F.
My, what a remarkably long 24 hours. Feels like more than a week….
First! In March!
Of course it is Meg. Therefore, the reminder.
On the other hand, 3 months is about average for Amy postage.
24 hours in Amy-Daze time, no doubt. Not that I want to jinks a promise or anything.
Jinkees !!! Has it been that long … I’m such a loser. Yes, mahster !!! I have bowling tonight, but I’ll post within the next 24 hours.
Amy, it’s been more than three months since you promised the rest of the bar fight story…. Sometime soon would be welcome.
I remember when I was growing up, that the schools would hold girls up as models of good behavior and wonder why boys had to cause troublem.
This generation of girls we’re seeing though… from my experiences with my stepdaughter, I’ve seen several knock-down dragout fights between young girls, a couple of which have ended with arrests. Never underestimate the power of girls.
BTW, like the site; I pop in once in awhile but this is the first time I’ve actually commented here.
Don’t allow Sianna to throw her into the brier patch?
Don’t let Sianna goad you into posting. You’ll only be playing her game…..
Amynews’ spelling is atrocious, her grammar and stylistic voice are both a train wreck and a beached whale, respectively. Her website is a foul offense to evolution and the universe at large. In short, George Lucas would love it. -Sianna
Happy Valentines
I hope your day is Roses and chocolates and a cute boy on your arm for a fine dinner.
other amy
LOL Gawd luv ya girl !!!
I honestly love that review and am going to use excerpts when pimping my site !!! 
” . . . a foul offense to the Universe”.
“[Amy's] grammar and stylistic voice are both a train wreck and a beached whale” and her “spelling is atrocious”.
Sweet !!!
Your spelling is atrocious. Your grammar and stylistic voice are both a train wreck and a beached whale, respectively. In summation your blog is a foul offense to the Universe. It is matched only by the terror that is your Death Star sized ego.
All my happy way of saying that I miss you, wingnut.
As is always the case … Yodette is wise and totally on point !
Just a guess – as the economy goes down the toilet, defense lawyers get very busy.
My spelling got atrocious ??? Seriously ??? Except for my phonetic use of K for hard-c’s and fondness for PH instead of F, I thought I usually did fairly well ! Heck, I should have enough time to spell check things considering my distance between posts !!!
Hi all !!!
gods her spelling got atrocious. When the hell did that happen?
now I know why she wont ever email me at least. Horrid.
Amy saw her shadow today. It could be six more weeks until her next post.
First guess, about three months long….
It must be a very long post….
AT this vedry moment Amy is at her computer composing the promised “Chick Fight – Lesson Uno” installment and as soon as she finishes proofing it she’ll post it. … NOT!
We haven’t played “Where in the World is Amy?” in a while. My guess…since St. Patrick’s Day is the next holiday, sitting in a pub, getting in shape.
It seems like only yesterday….
Ahhhh. Remember the good old days before Amy had a life?
I don’t know about Amy’s practice (although I would suspect that there is an increase in criminal activity that will only get worse over time), but part of my practice is bankruptcy and that has certainly increased!!! Interestingly, there has always been some increase in bankruptcy filings after the holidays. I think some people take one last opportunity to use their cards for holiday shopping and then realize they are over their heads.
Amy, do you see a correlation between the deteriorating economic scene and a rise in clients needing your services?
It’s less than two months since her last post. She has been running six months between posts.
Can it possibly January 6 already?
And no new post of pics either.
happy new year..
thank you for all you do
other amy
“… is in a bar …” Fish. Barrel. Gun. … Duck.
As the first entrant in the “Where in the World is Amy?” game, my guess is in a bar in her hometown….Chili’s??
Resolutions won’t give her more time or less procrastination. Resolutions are only good intentions. Amy has no shortage of good intentions.
Actually, Amy could make a resolution to post daily. Still not likely to happen. But, then again, she seems to have a busy life beyond Amynews. Good for her.
Anybody think Amy might make a New Years resolution to post once a month?
“…maybe those of us who regularly visit the site hijack it and do our own posts via the comment section.”
Isn’t that what we’ve BEEN doing?
Amy’s chillin in Mos Eisley with like lots of adult bevs
I have an idea…which is always a very dangerous thing. Since Amy hasn’t been posting on this Blog, maybe those of us who regularly visit the site hijack it and do our own posts via the comment section. Sort of like taking over a site by adverse possession…something that Amy would undoubtedly do herself if given half a chance….wherever she is.
I have another idea…maybe we could try to guess where Amy is. Sort of the blog version of “Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego?”
Just a moment to wish you the best of the season. Merry Christmas
other amy
Magic 8 Ball says: “Ask again later.”
Magic 8 Ball is sulking.
Will Amy-san post new pictures by the end of 2008?
Do not taunt Happy Fun Magic 8 Ball.
I think we can confidently say – regardless of the all knowing Magic 8 Ball – that there will be no Amy postage for at least another two months, more likely 3-4, as her missives are normally logged in a flurry of posts several months apart. And we had the most recent post flurry only a month ago. Besides, it’s nearly officially winter, time for hibernation in the Great White North.
BTW – Merry Christmas to all.
Magic 8 Ball: Outlook not so good
Question: Will Part 1 of Chick Fight be posted before the end of the year (2008)?
Question: “Will Amy post again soon?”
Magic 8 Ball: “Ask again later.”
OK, OK, I’ll bite. Give the Magic 8 Ball predictions. I can’t wait for 020209. It’s too far away.
You don’t want Magic 8 Ball predictions? Are you waiting for Amy to comment? She’s hibernating. If she sees her shadow February 2nd ….
Would you like a weekly Magic 8 Ball prediction?
Wow…almost a week since the last comment…..Oh, the humanity…..
JC,
The reason that this blog didn’t make the list is that there haven’t been enough posts to qualify!
Now, now. Do not taunt happy fun Amy.
I saw an article today on the 11 lamest blogs in the blogosphere on MSNBC. Luckily, this one wasn’t on it…..yet…….
I wondered if someone would pick up on the “press conference” reference! That’s an oldie for sure. Good for JC! You have very faithful followers.
Any news on when the press conference questions will be answered?
Are the crickets tired yet?
http://www.dilbert.com/strips/comic/2008-11-30/
Plop, plop, fizz, fizz, Oh what a relief it is……..Sing it everybody!
I wish !!!
I think Amy’s already started drinking for Thanksgiving
Drift? Like a log at sea, floating Amylessly?
I think that you can get the drift from the comments to this post!
Aims-
I can’t wait for Lesson Uno!
Marcia
Titans looked good yesterday……
42-7?
Amy I am so glad to hear from you !!! i hope all is well …except chick fight of course and also want to say welcome to your padwan “Dog” keep in touch ok? missed you!
Amy is the anti-Scotti?
Oh, wait. I see. It’s kind of a reverse Wrath of Khan things going on here. If days were minutes….
Indeed, it is quiet. Amy is richer in good intentions than time.
“it’s my plan to post one a day in successive days” – get off the IKEA website.
……crickets………
“Hit you? I didn’t hit you. I high-fived your face!”
If I get held in contempt for laughing out loud in the courtroom, it’s you all’s fault !!!
*shaking head* Should have never set up the comments to be sent to my Blackberry !
d and confused
Close Eileen. It’s Amy daze..
No it’s longer than that, it’s an Amy day!
Are these Martian days we’re talking about here?
Totally something I’d do … I’m so proud of ya’ll !!!
I think that we’ve hijacked the comments section and taken the discussion to something very different than Amy intended with htis post…sounds like something she’d do herself, given half a chance!
I eat yogurt, carrots for lunch. I learned to balance out what I eat. As I got older my metabolism changed. I gained quite a bit of weight for my 5’9″ frame. So I learned to eat better and/or less. I still enjoy my food. But instead of the whole sandwich I will eat half. Instead of a 16oz steak I settle for the 7 or 9. If I have a large meal in the afternoon it is a salad for dinner. I still pretty much eat what I want I just learned to eat less of it.
Another thing that helps is eating slower. Take smaller bites, chew your food. Pausing in between. You will feel just as full with less food as you would if you just shoveled it in as fast as you could. As least I do.
I’ve gotten the go ahead for hormones so that should prove interesting when I start those soon.
I, too, gained some weight. Hormones do change one’s metabolism and we have to compensate by either eating less or exercising more, or some combination. I like food, and I don’t obsess, but I also want to be able to buy clothes that look flattering. I used to be a size 12 and I’m now a 14…I don’t want to go any higher if I can avoid it.
Thanks for the comment Bobbi. I suppose it just varies from person to person. Physically, there is nothing that I can’t do now that I couldn’t do then. I saw no change in muscle or strength from being on hormones. What I did see was a pretty substantial gain in weight. I had always had very good metabolism and could eat what I wanted and not worry about my weight. That changed quickly once going on the hormones.
I suppose my biggest problem is I refuse to eat like a little tiny girl. I’m not going to starve myself or go around denying myself things that I like. When I see natal females eat a cup of yogurt and a couple of carrots for lunch, I I just want to scream. Food is too good to go without.
I understand that the post has nothing to do with physical fighting or strength, but I’d like to comment on Kelly’s comments. I think that I have lost about 35% of my upper body strength (although I never had much strength anyway) since beginning hormones and that is the consensus of most of my friends as well. Pound for pound, I am fairly certain that my daughters are stronger than me (although they are both athletic).
I think that the difference might be that natal males, even those who are not the most masculine, have different training than natal females. This past summer, I played on an LGBT softball team and it seemed like the aging transwomen on the team played better than most of the younger natal women, but I think it was mostly because we had played more when we were younger and had better training. At the same time, I know we weren’t as good as women who had actually played organized softball.
Pardon me while I bate my breath. Or, maybe I should eat some shrimp to bait my breath. Decisions decisions….
Yuhp, I’m not talking about the physical kind of fighting, so you’re exactly right … vicious, mean and evil do come into play at times !
As far as physical strength goes … out of my 5 close girlfriends with whom I hang out most of time, all of them being natal, 4 of them are definitely stronger than me, which comes in very handy when they are watching my back !
“Hey, Amy’s mouthing off again, we better keep an eye on things !”
I certainly can’t speak for anyone else, but even after almost five years on hormones, I’m pretty sure that I would still be much stronger than a natal female and I assume you would be as well. But the thing is, I’ve not been in a figth since my first one, 7th grade, and I’m pretty sure that girl fighting is a bit more evil than two guys fighting. We have a real problem in this country with girls that are simply vicious, mean and evil.